| Yup this is one of mine
this was also part of it
“May I have the next dance please?” - For Ladies
The dance is in full swing. A guy is heading you’re way [great]. He walks straight past you to the lady with great legs who has not missed a single dance all night, She declines. So he selects his second choice [you]. Knowing his repertoire off by heart. He takes you to the most crowded part of the floor, or stops right in front of the speaker and starts talking about a new move he’s invented and what a fantastic dancer the last lady was. [You discover he had garlic for dinner.] Finally he starts dancing to the ‘off beat’. First move, yoyo, sway, first move, yoyo, catapult, etc.
This sets the pattern for the whole dance. He is constantly looking over your shoulder either ‘talent spotting’, or trying to copy whatever the guy next to him is doing. Then he tries his new move.
A double arm break pretzel. [Emphasis on the am break!] You shudder with pain. He reminds you the man leads and lady follows! Mutter. ”Lead it properly and I will!” The next dancer’s T-shirt is covered in sweat. He does move which soaks you’re body, arms and hand. You’re getting annoyed now. He leads you to his front; moves in so close you know he is VERY pleased to be there! This is the final straw. Make a comment about having two p___ks behind you and send him flying with a bum thrust. Now he’s ignoring you looking for his next victim [sorry dance partner.]
You thought that dance would never end. You find a friend. Head for the ladies, wash your hands, have a moan, catch up on gossip. A group of ladies enter. One has a hideous dress. You tell her it looks great. Another is wearing the same outfit as you. You don’t speak. Someone is cursing the ladder in her tights. The rest are consoling a friend who’s hysterical because, apparently her shy husband asked another lady out! You leave. Return to the hall. A guy asks if you’ve seen ’Fiona’ as it’s his favourite record and she is a great dancer [Inferring your not!] You say “no” Left on the edge of the floor [fuming again]. Next guy just wants to chat. Ten minutes later he’s still talking. Then asks another lady to dance! Everyone is ignoring you. Then two men come up at once. The one you pick wants to practice routine from the lesson. ]. By the end of the record he still hasn’t got it right. The other one who s now dancing with another lady, is brilliant [Dam
There is a guy watching [who is covered in sweat] & can’t take his eyes off you. He waits on the side for a dance. It’s a slow record. He leads you into a seducer. You think he’s ok and smile at him. He gazes into your eyes with that ’I'm up for it look’ whilst his sweat drips on you! [Yuk]
Next is Mr. Cantdance. He’s been on the circuit for years and is useless. He seems to have total disregard for the music. Without warning he stops to ask, “how you’ve just done that move”. He invites you to an advanced workshop! You turn white! Fortunately the record ends. Head outside
It’s cabaret time. They are really good. You wish you could spin like her. The show is over.
The cabaret star is asking for a dance. Suddenly you have forgotten how to dance. He is very good. Effortlessly leading new moves you’re in heaven. Then he asks if you’re a beginner [Dam].
The evening continues. Nothing’s going right. Then it gets worse. Heading you’re way is ‘the gripper.’ He admires your earrings. You hate his shirt. You’d prefer to go to the zoo than dance with him, but accept. [Dance ethics]. Now this guy can’t dance and thinks your wrist is a swivel joint. Every turn is done with him firmly holding your hand! He must know it hurts but that doesn’t stop him. He starts with triple spins and double pretzels! [Ouch!] Back in the chair you’re wrist hurts. You are fed up. You have danced with all the creeps and managed to ruin the only good dance of the night. You’re dress is soaked in sweat [none of it yours]. You want to go home.
Finally it’s the last record. Surprise surprise, you are the only lady not dancing. Your friend is having a great time with the cabaret star. [Dam!] There are only two men available. Milk tray man and the guy from the lesson. [With body and bum]. First time you have seen him since lesson. Milk tray man’ is heading your way. There is no way you are going to dance with that!
You’re just thinking to yourself “What’s Salsa like?” Then it all changes…
“May I have the next dance please?”- For Guys
You’re dancing with a group of onlookers watching! Go through your repertoire of moves. For a finale you whisk your partner around the floor [wishing she could keep up] into a ‘triple squat lean surprise’. Unfortunately the music finishes before your move does. You feel silly. Not that that matters. There’s is a ripple of applause from the onlookers. You beam back a smile, only to realise they were engrossed in the man behind you!! He’s wearing the clothes only seen on really good dancers & asks your lady for a dance who eagerly accepts. Watching them dance, you decide if he can…... Grabbing an onlooker [who seems reluctant]. You try to imitate. Look and feel like a robot on a banana skin, [Partner is not amused]. Resume own style, move to different part of dance floor.
You are near a table full of ladies. Dance with them all in turn. Save the last pair for ‘double trouble’ [why does the lady on the left always seem to get it wrong]. They tell you they all like dancing with you as you have such an unusual style! You get their phone numbers.
The prowler. [Stalking the edge of the dance floor]. This one is keen on eye contact. [Whatever direction you turn she’s staring directly into your eyes]. Her music interpretation is extensive. Plenty of breaks, pauses shimmies wiggles. Wish you knew what record she was dancing to? You don’t ask for a second dance or her phone no. The next dance is fast. Ask two ladies both say no.
Make your way to the bar. You reach the counter and catch the barman’s eye. A voice asks you to dance. It’s the vision of beauty from the lesson, she now sees the funny side of being left on the floor [Is there a funny side?] Accepting [and handing the bar-man back his eye] you start dancing. A bit uneasy at firs but it goes ok. To your surprise she asks for another [and another]. Give it your best. The dance’s end. Ask for her number. She offers you her husbands mobile. [You decline].
Time to change the T-shirt. Head to the gents. Alone [men never ask friends to go with them]. Three ladies ask you for a dance on the way [although you have got you’re dance bag in hand]. Halfway there you hear you’re favourite track start up [Dam]. Change shirt, say hi to the other guys, Engage in interesting conversation. [Men never gossip]. Return to the hall. Bars empty. Order an orange juice. [How Much!] Then you spot Helga [I really hope there is not a Helga reading this!]. She is keen on keep fit. When she takes your hand, you wince in pain.
Helga’s a very good dancer with the ability to lead or follow & knows some great moves. And will dances them regardless of her partner. You lead for 70% of the dance. She leads 30%. It ends with a perfectly timed seducer [How did she get you into that position?].
The night continues. You’ve got three new phone numbers. Spot a beginner. Seems nervous but lively. She tells you that she saw you dancing with Helga. Thought you looked great together! Annoyed. You increase tempo. BIG mistake. She’s short on talent high on enthusiasm. The remainder of the dance is spent trying to control her and protect others from her flaying body [Whatever she does it’ your fault. The man leads!]. You stand on the edge of the floor for a rest and to watch other dancers. A regular [dance] partners grabs your hand. Of you go again. Rest over. The DJ plays a blues/swing track. Plenty of scope for music interpretation. Ask the lady with black and white shoes [she must be good]. She is. You soon feel surplus to requirements. Plenty of wiggling, shimmying, and strutting. You’ve been to workshops for this stuff. So pull her in close, and gently sway to the music. You feel her leg wrap around you and she drops back. That’s better.
Time to people watch. Two dancers are having a really great time – he’s 20 she’s 40. You see three ex girlfriends! The bossy lady with husband in tow – he follows her lead well. The stick insect looks and dances great. [Must get her phone no.] An older guy’s doing loads of sleazy moves with a young girl. [No surprise there!] Then there are the regular’s who seem to be at every dance
Last record. No ladies left, except the one talking to ‘Milk tray man’. [He really is a…..] He walks of alone. She is still sitting there. Pause to Check your red & black shoes and walk over. Recognise her from the lesson. She looks fantastic. [How did you miss her all night.]? But can she dance? Yes! She is a fantastic dancer who seems to ‘float’! How could being so good be made to look so easy! The records over but you’re still dancing. You offer her YOUR phone number. She accepts!
HAPPY DANCING Peter
Keep meaning to do another....a view from the stage |