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Originally Posted by jivecat I agree that part of the problem is that women do not speak up clearly enough about what is acceptable for them on the dance floor. We all need to do this, though not necessarily in a hostile way, and we need to be backed up by clear and unequivocal support from the teacher during classes. Many men just don't realise that they may be causing a problem and would be mortified to learn that and should be given the chance to change. |
I agree with this, and all the rest of your post that I've snipped.
I'm just getting increasingly exasperated with the never-ending series of threads we get here about about how the ladies are constantly being tormented with drop-injuries, groping, stinking blokes and dripping bodies.
But we never, ever hear about how someone has tactfully had a word with the guy in question**, discovered his benign intent, and brought about his wonderful reform and conversion from ignorance to awareness.
Nor do we hear about the ones where their nastiness is exposed and they are rightly shunned as a consequence.
I might say that I have total sympathy with the ladies' plight - they have far less control over the content of a dance than guys do - and when I dance I pay a great deal of attention to making it as right as I can for them.
But I know that not all people are nice, and I've witnessed on many occasions the suffering of ladies that for whatever reason don't seem able to say "enough is enough".
Of course I'm not suggesting nasty, savage reactions at the first offence, especially when said offence is out of character. A gentle hint, for the nice guys, is all that will be needed.
And of course you're right - reacting to unnacceptable behaviour should be a sliding scale, appropriate to the scale of the offence.
When I talk in the black and white terms that I sometimes do, I'm talking about the cases that really are black and white. Where guys blatantly grope, force ladies painfully into drops despite requests not to do any drops, etc, etc.
In the greyer cases, obviously a more measured response is appropriate, and I've never denied that.
Chris
** except when I did it, funnily enough, as did our own Sheepie in different circumstances. I don't know of any other instances reported here.