Eye Contact

[MartinHarper]

Originally Posted by Penfold

Ended up thinking of looking at my partner and smiling as a move just like a first move etc,

That's a lovely idea - very simple, does the job. If you're lucky your partner will take it as an opportunity to practice wiggling, while you try to think of the next move.

[Bangers & Mash]

Originally Posted by jivecat

What I'm increasingly beginning to notice is how incomplete a dance feels without eye contact, even if technically it was otherwise a good dance. And it's not just the social aspect, important though that is. I find that concentration is a key element in dancing well and good eye contact helps me to focus on my partner and concentrate better. If any peripheral event snaps that concentration, then, whoops, I start falling over my own feet!

I also feel that eye contact forms part of the lead; if the guy won't look at me I always feel a sense of insecurity about what I should be doing even if other signals are O.K. I think that by looking at your partner you pick up & transmit all sorts of subliminal signals about speed, direction, intention, musical interpretation etc. which enhance a dance technically as well as socially.

I always use eye contact as an integral part of the dance as they can so reflect the dance and how it is going.

I also find it very difficult to dance with a girl who can't or won't make eye contact. The won'ts are the worst as that attitude seems to be reflected in the dance technique as well.

For the shy people or people who find it awkward - smile as you look into each others eyes because smiling eyes are always pretty no matter how ugly you are.

Eye contact can also be as intrusive as invading you partners dance space, so I would suggest make occasional eye contact at first if you feel uncomfortable and if that is okay - then try a little more.

I have wrecked my brains trying to think of the difference between staring and making eye contact. I think the difference is the smile. If you don't smile as you make eye contact you will find yourself staring.

It can also be fun and a little mischievous. If you feel awkward, then be mischievous (not sleazy) with it - most memorable eye contacts for me were

1 - the bulging eyes as the girl went into a dip
2 - the girls eyes rolling (mocking) as I screwed up a move
3 - the little girl lost look as I completely didn't lead her into the next move
4 - the devastating wink from the gorgeous girl who winked at me as we finished the dance with a dip (not a come-on wink but a mischievous wink). I still melted tho'

[RogerR]

Learning to do the steps right is a small part of learning to dance, then you have to learn to dance WITH a partner. then it all slots so neatly into place. Eye contact comes with practise. its a feedback system If your partner looks stressed happy bored or excited the eyes will tell you, and you modify your plans for the nekt few bars accordingly.

[jivecat]

Originally Posted by Bangers & Mash

Eye contact can also be as intrusive as invading you partners dance space, so I would suggest make occasional eye contact at first if you feel uncomfortable and if that is okay - then try a little more.

Only time I can think of this happening is when blokes give you that intense, unremitting, false stare with a complacent smirk on their face & poke their heads forwards just before saying something really sleazy/cheazy. Straight from the Alan Clarke school of seduction. Well, Helleauuu! Mercifully doesn't happen often.
Perhaps you can think of a different example?

I have wrecked my brains trying to think of the difference between staring and making eye contact. I think the difference is the smile. If you don't smile as you make eye contact you will find yourself staring.

Staring is that "rabbit in the headlights" look that beginners get when they're in a complete panic and desperate for any sort of clue. There's usually some other facial expression which goes with the stare. Bad ones to look out for is that little vertical wrinkle between the eyebrows or slight gritting of teeth. Good ones is, yes, smiling. If there is no other facial expression to be seen check that you are not dancing with Hannibal Lecter.

It can also be fun and a little mischievous. If you feel awkward, then be mischievous (not sleazy) with it - most memorable eye contacts for me were

1 - the bulging eyes as the girl went into a dip
2 - the girls eyes rolling (mocking) as I screwed up a move
3 - the little girl lost look as I completely didn't lead her into the next move
4 - the devastating wink from the gorgeous girl who winked at me as we finished the dance with a dip (not a come-on wink but a mischievous wink). I still melted tho'

You're obviously well-tuned-in!

One thing I didn't add to my previous post is that you can use your partners eyes as a good focus for spotting as you turn/spin (I probably didn't know that when I first wrote it).

[Trousers]

Originally Posted by Lory

Mind you, theres a BIG difference between 'looking' and 'staring,' oh dear, how DOES one begin to explain????

Oh rats
The more I read these postings the more I worry.

Lookin and staring??? .

I've left that and moved up to staring and drooling.

Maybe Modern Jive isn't ready for me

[MartinHarper]

Originally Posted by Sheepman

for those 4 minutes you are in love with your partner, how could you not gaze into her eyes?

... because the rest of her body is so beautiful?

[robd]

Another thread back from the dead! (Well it is Sat night, I'm too far from Oxford and my bottle of Hardys Crest poor mans champagne (half-price at Tesco - get it while you can) is nearly empty )

For me, eye contact is an incredibly important part of the dance. I suspect to some people I can be a bit full on with eye contact and smiling during a dance but when my partner meets and matches this it makes SUCH a difference to how I feel about the dance.

There is a lady at my regular venue with whom I love to dance, not because either of us are particularly good but because she will meet and hold eye contact and I find this a real turn on (not a great phrase to use but I mean in a dancing sense)

Last night at Wellingborough freestyle my favourite dances (plural as the lady asked me for a second dance and what an ego boost that is for a leader ) was with a lady who smiled and made eye contact as much as I did - the fact she could do triple spins and end perfectly on the beat helped too In the unlikely event you are reading this and recognise yourself as red dress - dance at Bedford then thank you, thank you, thank you.

I must say though that during class and in fact in life generally (unless fortified by alcohol ) I am not good at holding eye contact. Freestyle just seems different.

Robert

[Northants Girly]

Originally Posted by robd

Last night at Wellingborough freestyle my favourite dances (plural as the lady asked me for a second dance and what an ego boost that is for a leader ) was with a lady who smiled and made eye contact as much as I did - the fact she could do triple spins and end perfectly on the beat helped too In the unlikely event you are reading this and recognise yourself as red dress - dance at Bedford then thank you, thank you, thank you.

Was she called Linda? Did she have longish, straight, dark brown hair?? (might know who your mystery partner was!)

[Saxylady]

Hard for us titchy gals to make much eye contact with tall guys without falling over. I do smile very nicely at their chests though.

[Cruella]

Originally Posted by robd

Last night at Wellingborough freestyle my favourite dances (plural as the lady asked me for a second dance and what an ego boost that is for a leader ) was with a lady who smiled and made eye contact as much as I did - the fact she could do triple spins and end perfectly on the beat helped too In the unlikely event you are reading this and recognise yourself as red dress - dance at Bedford then thank you, thank you, thank you.



Robert

I was at Wellingborough and i know who you mean but unfortunately don't know her name sorry. I have only become comfortable with eye contact in the last month or so. I hardly ever used to look into my partners eyes as i found it too intimate. But after having a conversation with Silverfox, who was brutally honest with me. He told me that a dance with me was just going through the motions as there was no connection because i looked away all the time. I'm grateful for this honesty because it made me force myself to do eye contact. Firstly with just a few men i felt comfortable with, but now i have cracked it and really enjoy doing it. I can understand now what he meant as when my partner doesn't look at me i feel like he really doesn't want to be dancing with me.

[CeeCee]

Surely any dance is ruined if there is no eye contact.

It would certainly be enough to spoil a dance for me.

If dancing is a conversation, how can you converse with anyone for three whole minutes without paying attention to them by maintaining eye contact as much as the moves will allow?

[ducasi]

Originally Posted by CeeCee

Surely any dance is ruined if there is no eye contact.

It would certainly be enough to spoil a dance for me.

I wrote this on my blog last night...

"... I find the quality of a dance is directly related to how the lady dances with you. If you dance with me, but don’t actually look at me, then no matter how good, experienced, advanced or whatever a dancer you are, I probably won’t enjoy dancing with you.

All the dances that I can remember moments of (and I’m not good at this) were with dancers who kept a good level of eye-contact with me, and smiled. Even a dance with a beginner rated highly with me as she seemed to actually be dancing with me, and enjoying it! I can think of quite a few dances with “better” dancers where that didn’t happen.

Often the partner you’re dancing with seems to go into “auto-pilot”, and instead of interacting with you, is looking round the room to try to figure out who’s up next… My fix for this is throw in a really different move which catches them by surprise, and brings their attention back the the dance they’re currently having… (Though often this seemed to happen as a result of mistakes which not only would throw my partner, but me as well! )

..."

[CeeCee]

Originally Posted by ducasi

I wrote this on my blog last night...

If you dance with me, but don’t actually look at me, then no matter how good, experienced, advanced or whatever a dancer you are, I probably won’t enjoy dancing with you.

and ditto to that

[DavidY]

I'm usually not very good at the whole eye contact thing.

However what makes me really bad at it is a crowded dance floor (eg. Southport Blues Room). I find I'm spending all my time looking over my shoulders and around me to see where I can step back safely or somewhere to lead my partner too. I've tried to get the slotted dancing thing right, but even then I don't feel I csan stop checking where everyone else is.

How do other people succeed at maintaining eye contact whilst still avoiding others. What am I doing wrong?

[Lynn]

Something I'm no good at, for various reasons

[ducasi]

Originally Posted by DavidY

How do other people succeed at maintaining eye contact whilst still avoiding others. What am I doing wrong?

I just bash into them – when you're in love, you don't feel the pain.

Just kidding... For me, it's not about maintaining eye contact, it's about it being there when it needs to be. So you can look around, but when you're face-to-face with your partner, or close, side-by-side, you should be looking at them. When you're about to do that tricky move, you need eye contact to see if they're ready. After you need it to see if they're having fun. When you're close, in baskets and combs, and the like, you need to acknowledge that you're dancing with a person, not a body.

The deliberate look away can also be very effective. Last night in a wee basket walk, as she turns to look at me, I turn away, then as I turn to look at her, she turns away, then she looks, then I look, etc... That was fantastic. I love dancing!

I know I could give a lot more eye contact, and I'm learning from the women who are good at it... But when certain women (especially some of those lovely Edinburgh women ) gaze into your eyes, how can you not gaze right back into theirs?

[robd]

Originally Posted by Northants Girly

Was she called Linda? Did she have longish, straight, dark brown hair?? (might know who your mystery partner was!)

Possibly, and yes. We did exchange names but I am ashamed to say I cannot remember hers (nor any of the other new ladies with whom I danced on Friday )

[robd]

Originally Posted by Cruella

I was at Wellingborough

Don't recall seeing you though as I have only seen you once before when you demoed for Paul maybe I wouldn't recognise you anyway! Were you with the 'advanced dancers ' near to the bar?

[Cruella]

Originally Posted by robd

Don't recall seeing you though as I have only seen you once before when you demoed for Paul maybe I wouldn't recognise you anyway! Were you with the 'advanced dancers ' near to the bar?

I was wearing a pink hat you couldn't have missed that.