Flirting

[Pete]

My one or two nights Ceroccing are fast becoming the highlight of my week - as evidenced by the huge grin on my face during most dances. My problem is that it's either a huge grin or an apologetic mouthed 'sorry', but what I can't seem to do (and maybe it's bad etiquette to even try - which is why I'm posting this as a question) is FLIRT.

I'm not saying that I want to flirt with everyone I dance with but it would be nice once in a while to be a little less jolly and a leetle more flirty. V concerned about getting it badly wrong and finding myself as the weeks featured 'artist' on the Sleaze thread.

Any hints or tips?

[Graham]

I guess it's different for everyone, but being relaxed is a big factor. If you're still at the stage of frequently having to say "I'm sorry", then it's unlikely you're relaxed enough. Since you've posted this here I assume you haven't been dancing very long, in which case don't worry: it gets easier with practice, and once you don't really have to think too hard about moves etc you'll find you're able to relax more, and also to think about other things, such as how gorgeous your partner is, how this is the best dance of the evening, etc.

[fruitcake]

Originally posted by Pete

I'm not saying that I want to flirt with everyone I dance with but it would be nice once in a while to be a little less jolly and a leetle more flirty. V concerned about getting it badly wrong and finding myself as the weeks featured 'artist' on the Sleaze thread.

Any hints or tips?

yeah watch it!
You don't need to flirt, just SMILE and look coy, and if you're brave enough and can speak , just be friendly!!!Some of the guys might not appreciate it if you flirt with them....

I would never DREAM of flirting,
(oops whats happened to my nose?)

[Lynn]

Originally posted by fruitcake
Some of the guys might not appreciate it if you flirt with them....

But some of the girls might!

The question is Pete, do you mean flirting in the normal sense (whatever that is, anyone got a definition?) or during the dance. I think you can get away with a bit of flirting in a dance, smiles, glances etc, that just stays as part of the dance. I think that can add to the 'chemistry' of a dance, for those few minutes.

[ChrisA]

Originally posted by Pete
but what I can't seem to do (and maybe it's bad etiquette to even try - which is why I'm posting this as a question) is FLIRT.

It's bad etiquette if it isn't genuine.

It's not a technique to be learned, it's a moment between two people.

Chris

[TheTramp]

Wish I could get the lessons too Pete.

Even though Chris tells us that you can't learn how to do it.

Steve

[fruitcake]

Originally posted by ChrisA
It's bad etiquette if it isn't genuine.

It's not a technique to be learned, it's a moment between two people.

Chris

Totally agree Chris!
Also, you don't wanna flirt with EVERYONE then it doesnt mean anything!

[fruitcake]

Originally posted by TheTramp
Wish I could get the lessons too Pete.


Steve

You don't need lessons Steve..........

[TheTramp]

Originally posted by fruitcake
You don't need lessons Steve..........

You mean that there's just no hope for me???

Steve

[gtman]

Flirting is just a case of being brave and remembering to hold that eye contact (if you can get eye contact) long enough to smile or wink before you look away. Oh and then remember to look back of course to see what the effect was

Takes a brave man though. Takes me an hour or so to get out of shell mode and warm up at social events. working on it. I'll either get better and faster or give up. Hay that could apply to dancing too

[fruitcake]

Originally posted by TheTramp
You mean that there's just no hope for me???

Steve

Hmmm! I think we'll leave it there or you'll get big-headed!!
But lets just say, that your eye contact, impish smile and little ticklle of the tummy when you dip the ladies is of a flirtatious nature.
Which we love!!

Fruity

[Graham]

Originally posted by fruitcake
Hmmm! I think we'll leave it there or you'll get big-headed!!

I disagree with ChrisA: it definitely can be learned. There was a series on BBC2 last year where they did exactly that: I think it was called "Would Like to Meet..."

[Pete]

Originally posted by ChrisA
It's bad etiquette if it isn't genuine.

It's not a technique to be learned, it's a moment between two people.

Chris

I kind of agree with this - I don't want to learn some dry and clinical technique that I go round using on women whether or not I feel flirty. But my problem is that even when I like someone and feel flirtatious I'm not sure how to flirt. Or maybe I'm doing it already. But if I simply 'act natural' sometimes all they'll see is my shyness. Maybe it's just about being more confident, and maybe that can't be taught.

[Chris]

Flirting IMHO can be both natural and learned. Both ways can be 'real' but the time when I personally don't like it to be 'real' is when I'm dancing. I like to pretend a lot when I'm dancing, with the other person doing the same - it's part of the dramatisation of the dance for me. Whilst that may be good for dancing it makes it almost impossible to know if someone is really flirting (rather than good at dramatising the dance) unless they come on while dancing, which spoils the dance unless that's what you're looking for.

Sometimes you can accompany the lady back to her seat in a gentlemanly way if she appears to like that (but don't crowd her!). Work out if she's interested. "See if she's answers you in sentences of more than one syllable," is one of the best bits of advice I heard on this, and it was from a Dundee lady on the Forum - one of the non-scary ones - Sheena I think maybe . . .

Bear in mind as well that she may be looking for genuine friendship and nothing else. If you find her (or him) genuinely interesting, you will be equally happy whether anything beyond a dance turns into friendship, dance-buddies, or romance - asking yourself if this is genuinely your aim will perhaps improve your chances too! Never have an agenda, let the other person do the 'chatting up' - just be polite, gracious and as genuinely interested in that person as good manners and sensitivity permit.

Dancing is primarily a social function and it would be a bit high and mighty to say never chat anyone up during a dance, but be aware that many or most people are there primarily for the dancing. The safest way not to cause offence is to keep the flirting for off the dance floor and not assume people are there to flirt.

Just my view

[bigdjiver]

I think MJ can be an art form and a form of play. A part of that art is acting. However, I do try and make it clear that it is acting, usually by outrageous over-acting, and just done in the spirit of play.

[fruitcake]

Originally posted by Pete
I But if I simply 'act natural' sometimes all they'll see is my shyness. Maybe it's just about being more confident, and maybe that can't be taught.

You have NO IDEA how attractive shyness is, and how attractive naturalness is, much better than being the 'ceroc flirt', give me a shy man over a flirt ANYDAY!

[jivecat]

[i]
There was a series on BBC2 last year where they did exactly that: I think it was called "Would Like to Meet..." [/b]

Absolutely compulsive viewing. I think you can buy a book called something like "Flirt coach Tracey's 10 point guide to Pulling."

[Angel Feet]

From a female point of view Pete it is always quite nice to be flirted with, providing it is gently done...I always feel much happier to dance with someone who smiles a lot..and it prompts me to smile a lot, although I am a bit of a smiler anyway...some would say a flirt..but I just think I'm being nice..despite what fruitcake might say!!!....also some of the guys give you a little peck on the cheek when they say thankyou after the dance, and I think that's really sweet and a great compliment, although I know some of the others may not like it..but I take it to mean ' I enjoy dancing with you '......hope that's a bit helpful?

[ChrisA]

Originally posted by Graham
I disagree with ChrisA: it definitely can be learned. There was a series on BBC2 last year where they did exactly that: I think it was called "Would Like to Meet..."

I didn't in fact say it couldn't be learned. I said it ought to be genuine, and I distinguished between a moment between two people and a technique. By which I mean people should be able to react to the moment, rather than cultivate a technique. Purely my personal opinion, of course, and it does presuppose a level of relaxation and confidence on the dance floor.

I have no objection to dramatisation in dance just for its own sake, with the whole thing an act. I'm not very good at it, but I have no objection to it.

But personally, I don't equate dramatisation with flirting - for me a dance floor flirt is a mutual acknowledgement of some spark of chemistry that ignites between the dancers, and is a recognition and/or expression of appreciation for, some aspect of the dance(r) that is mutually pleasurable.

As such, it's different with different partners, but no less valid for all that.

Equally, as such, it isn't (or doesn't have to be) a come on, or anything sleazy - it's a moment of something nice that happens between two dancers that connect somehow during the dance. I don't fake that sort of thing, but again, that's just a personal preference.

Chris

[Graham]

Originally posted by ChrisA
I didn't in fact say it couldn't be learned. I said it ought to be genuine, and I distinguished between a moment between two people and a technique. By which I mean people should be able to react to the moment, rather than cultivate a technique. Purely my personal opinion, of course, and it does presuppose a level of relaxation and confidence on the dance floor.

Just because it's a technique doesn't mean that it's not genuine. Flirting is a social skill which some people just haven't learned: they can't do it even when they want to. By helping them learn the techniques which "come naturally" (=have been learned subconsciously) to others, they can still use them only genuinely, or they can choose to fake it, just as people who acquired the skills without coaching can.