Tips for (beginner) Guys

[Dreadful Scathe]

Originally posted by bigdjiver
for brevity:
Keep moving, keep smiling, keep fresh, keep safe.

for even further brevity:

Be Pure, Be Vigilant, Behave.

[Rachel]

Originally posted by ChrisA
At risk of getting too luvvie .........

Chris - I think I love you!!!!!

I'd love Greg, too .... but he's competing against us this weekend (!)

And, Jon - No, a 'What was that?' is definitely well out of order. Even when you are actually thinking 'What the hell is she doing???'
R xx

[ChrisA]

Originally posted by Rachel
Chris - I think I love you!!!!!

Woohoo...

I'd love Greg, too ....

Oh.

Chris

[TheTramp]

Originally posted by Rachel
Chris - I think I love you!!!!!

I'd love Greg, too .... but he's competing against us this weekend (!)

And will you love me again after this weekend???

Trampy

[bigdjiver]

Apologies, probably already posted, I do not have time to read all posts. To beginner men:

Work! There are usually more ladies than men, and many of the beginners amongst them are suffering from lack of confidence too. The "Why does nobody ask me to dance" syndrome. Even if you spend the first few weeks convincing every lady in the room that you are a hopeless dork, in a few weeks time there will be new beginners looking to you for help. Persevere.

However inept you may think you are you almost certainly dance better than a chair. Many ladies are looking for interaction and attention even more than they want to dance.

There is a joy in helping beginners, as you will discover, and many ladies enjoy helping beginner men, let them help. Smile as they teach you how to hand jive, don't tell them you know it, and were actually trying the first move.

Praise partner, at least smile so she knows that she has made you happy. The pained look of deep concentration may be natural, but it does not send good messages.

[ChrisA]

Originally posted by bigdjiver
However inept you may think you are you almost certainly dance better than a chair.

Though do not wear shimmery see-thru skin tight tops and ultra-tight, drainpipe trousers three inches too short, together with bright red shoes and matching bright red belt, because you certainly won't look better than a chair (or so it may be alleged).

Did anyone else have to consciously look away last night in order to avoid an unwanted return of one's pre-dance carb loading???

[TheTramp]

Originally posted by ChrisA
Though do not wear shimmery see-thru skin tight tops and ultra-tight, drainpipe trousers three inches too short, together with bright red shoes and matching bright red belt, because you certainly won't look better than a chair (or so it may be alleged).

Did anyone else have to consciously look away last night in order to avoid an unwanted return of one's pre-dance carb loading???

Was Andy there then??

Trampy

[Sheepman]

Originally posted by ChrisA
Did anyone else have to consciously look away last night

Oh no, have I got that used to the sight now, or did my eyes just glaze over?

But surely he is trying to appeal to the ladies with his sartorial elegance I think we need a comment from them.

Greg

[Sheepman]

Originally posted by TheTramp
Was Andy there then??

Andy was a positive vision of respectability in comparison, even when he was trying on bits of his costume.

Greg

[Sheepman]

Originally posted by Jayne
Girls: did anyone else notice the mistake in the sentence?

Am I allowed to answer?

Yes!

Greg

[Gary]

Originally posted by Gadget


No point in spending a whole dance trying to work out with another beginner what's going wrong and how to solve it: both will have different ideas of what the other is trying to do, what they are actually doing, and how to get it right.

Absolutely. There are very few ladies (but God bless those few) who I'd ask "how can I lead this move better?". But every lady I dance with is an expert in "did that feel right/smooth/comfortable for you?"

I believe that I can tell without asking whether a move is working smoothly, but I'm told by the ladies that there are a bunch of guys whose lead is rough/jerky/whatever. I'd like to think they're just unaware, in which case getting into the habit of checking (occasionally) would be good. (If they're aware and don't care, I can't help them and don't want them around).

Once they find out that they're not leading smoothly they'll have to get help from a teacher or taxi (not, as you say, from the lady they're dancing with).

[Gadget]

Originally posted by Gary
There are very few ladies (but God bless those few) who I'd ask "how can I lead this move better?". But every lady I dance with is an expert in "did that feel right/smooth/comfortable for you?"

That's not what you originally said though How many ladies would just be polite and when asked "did that feel right/smooth/comfortable for you?" would respond with an automatic (and polite) "yes" rather than offend their partner with "well my shoulders ache and my arms feel six foot long".

I believe that I can tell without asking whether a move is working smoothly, {as I said, that's a skill learned over time with practice and positive feedback from partners} but I'm told by the ladies that there are a bunch of guys whose lead is rough/jerky/whatever. I'd like to think they're just unaware, in which case getting into the habit of checking (occasionally) would be good. (If they're aware and don't care, I can't help them and don't want them around).

The rough/jearky/matcho lead is more often attributed to beginners; taxis and teachers should be able to spot the signs and correct as necessary - that's why I advocate dancing with them. All that the beginner lead should be aware of is that you can lead too strongly and you can lead too sharply. Aim for "smooth" and a your partners will let you know when you've got it right. - Positive re-enforcement rather than negative.

I think that for beginners, especially men, it is very easy to turn them away with a bruised ego and a feeling that they are rubbish / will never get it.
If you encourage them to look for criticism, I think that you are inviting doubt and inadequacy. If you encourage praise for your partner when things go right (just a smile, a "wow" or "cool") then you are looking to the good parts of the dance and are more encouraged to invoke that response from your partner again.

[Gary]

Originally posted by Gadget
How many ladies would just be polite and when asked "did that feel right/smooth/comfortable for you?" would respond with an automatic (and polite) "yes" rather than offend their partner with "well my shoulders ache and my arms feel six foot long".

I don't know. Ladies? I understand that many guys would respond poorly to unrequested negative feedback, but if a guy's asking a question like that, I'd hope most girls would respond honestly (but probably also tactfully), e.g. "that's still a bit rough". But I haven't had the joy of being a girl dancing around a guy's ego

[Gary]

.

[Martin]

Gary, as a new "beginner revision" teacher there may well be the case for trying too hard.

There is only so much info you can give in 45 minutes, and only 3 tips will be retained (approx) - think of your top 3 for the evening, maybe even after 10 minutes of your class, watching the major f**k ups.

Personally I do the beginners class and work out the top 3 f**k ups people are doing. Then focus on them (with no names).

Originally posted by Jon
Rachel, after the sexy walk are we allowed to say "What was that!"

Politically incorrect (no detriment to you Jon, just me opinion)... only thing I can say is, give the girl room, if not taken, move on, no words need be said.

[b] A funny [B/] - danced to a sexy, bluesy track with a girl, did 3 "breaks" when I first hit Aussie, she asked me "are you tired?", I said why?... she said "Coz you keep stopping"

[fruitcake]

Originally posted by Gary
I don't know. Ladies? I understand that many guys would respond poorly to unrequested negative feedback, but if a guy's asking a question like that, I'd hope most girls would respond honestly (but probably also tactfully), e.g. "that's still a bit rough". But I haven't had the joy of being a girl dancing around a guy's ego

Call me bolshy, I don't care.
They usually they tell me when i grip their fingers etc.
Some men can be rough, well not some, a couple, but I cannot stand it so unfortunately cannot keep ma mouth shut, and say OOooh, that was a bit rough, remember i'm delicate- though i must admit- I don't look delicate!!But it is how one says it, I try and say it with a smile and a coy look.
i told one guy last week that he was being a bit rough, so for a joke he twisted my arm round-not funny- so I hit him-hard!With a smile of course!Next time-if there is a next time, it'tl be a hefty right footer in the soft bits.
Well probably not, but i won't dance with him again thats fer sure!
Fruitcake

[under par]

Originally posted by ChrisA
[b]
Well, FWIW, I thought Gary's list was pretty good.

I particularly disagree with Gadget's point here - if I had a quid for every person I wanted to smack because they told me to relax and have fun - without telling me how I could - I would be much better off than I am. And I didn't have fun dancing for ages after I started (though I was enjoying the learning) - so being told I wasn't dancing cos I wasn't having fun would have put me right off and made it even harder to get my head round it all.

As I say, relaxing a part of your body that has become too tense can be very useful, but this is usually a product of un underlying tension which is not so easy to get rid of..

The relaxation comes when you know what you're doing, and doing it becomes easier and easier.




Chris

How true whilst dancing my head is always full of thoughts on moves, sequences, the beat of the music, protecting my partner on the dance floor and I often complete a dance to be told "you can smile now!" "you look so serious!"

I believe I am smiling whilst dancing (my mind is telling me so!!!! cos I always enjoy dancing) but with the amount of times I have been told the above I must admit my smile is lying to me!

Any tips from the forum on how to smile when you already believe you are but in fact you aren't???

Does that make sense?

[Lory]

Originally posted by under par
Any tips from the forum on how to smile when you already believe you are but in fact you aren't???

Insert 2 fish hooks, attached to 2 rubber bands in either corner of your mouth, then wrap the rubber bands round your ears! This should help!

Seriously though, you alway's look relaxed and happy when I've danced with you, if you try TOO hard, it might look false and that will be worse

[ChrisA]

Originally posted by under par
Any tips from the forum on how to smile when you already believe you are but in fact you aren't???

Well you don't have to smile continuously

Smiling on the dancefloor is just like smiling anywhere else - it happens as a consequence of something else - it might be something as simple as a thought or a look, or it might be something shared in the dance.

But the workload needs to be low enough for you to have the head-space to notice the sort of things that might make you smile - like other things in life, the more pressure you feel under, the more difficult it is.

Not sure where you're at, but to reduce the workload you might try dancing fewer or simpler moves that require less effort to execute. Simple moves danced well are always preferable to complicated ones danced either badly or with an agonised expression of concentration

If you really haven't been dancing very long at all, then just hang in there - as you get more used to it, the effort needed will become less and you'll become able to interact more with your partner on the dancefloor. Once you can dance well enough to be able to be thinking at least as much about her as about what you're doing, this will be a lot easier.

Chris

PS... or whenever you want to smile, think of Lory's fish hook idea. It sure as heck made me smile just now...

[under par]

Originally posted by ChrisA
Well you don't have to smile continuously


Chris

PS... or whenever you want to smile, think of Lory's fish hook idea. It sure as heck made me smile just now...

Chris thanks for your thoughts.

Lory s fish hooks seem a bit drastic though