Inappropriate Touching

[DianaS]

Originally Posted by Magic Hans

On a different, but related subject .... on my massage training, I have been trained/shown that when massaging near to sensitive/personal areas, to ensure that they are approached palm first, and not fingers first, as fingers can be/seem/feel invasive.

As a result, if I ever feel close to a 'bikini' close miss(!), I will try to keep fingers well away, using palm, wrist ... or sometimes even fore-arm to lessen the accident

.... [then I falter, blush, look down at the floor, mumble an apology look up ... sheepishly, etc, etc, etc]

A simple apology would do. I can really understand how easy it is and how hard most guys try not to touch those areas. When I dance the lead I find that my hands go all over the place and we laugh cas I'm not used to avoiding breasts and bottoms (and they do stick out!)
I really don't bother about it now, unless a guy seems to be taking liberties and most guys around me just don't!
Probably a cultural thing but I've been dancing in the same venues for a year now so we all know each other fairly well.
One guy does tickle me and that drives me mad but I just slap him if it gets too much (he only does it cas I'm too serious and he likes to make me loose the plot)

[Zuhal]

Last time this subject was aired I said with a ODA MODE that I had received some excellent ideas for perving, from the thread ODA MODE OFF

I received lots of neg rep by those that failed to grasp the point that I was making.

Some of the detail that I have read in this thread is like a workshop for mis behaviour despite the intention with which it has been set out.

I can not say that I dance anywhere regularly enough to know the boundaries of every partner. I therefore play ultrasafe. There are a whole plethora of moves that I don't bother with because I have heard Ladies say, "Oh I hate that move" but I am incapable of keeping a catalogue of who approves of what

Zuhal

[ChrisA]

Originally Posted by Zuhal

Some of the detail that I have read in this thread is like a workshop for mis behaviour despite the intention with which it has been set out.

I don't think there's any need to worry on this front.

People that are inclined to perv on the dance floor don't need any tips on how to do it, and the ones that aren't, aren't going to be turned into pervs by reading this stuff.

Chris

[MartinHarper]

fingers can be/seem/feel invasive.

Presumably this is why I've never heard anyone complaining about the various bum on bum rubbing moves sometimes taught in Ceroc intermediates.

[stewart38]

Originally Posted by drathzel

Ok, just a quick thread and i am sorry but i am going to mainly aim this thread at women.

Some women can dance inappropriately but I guess its more a man thing

Some men refused to dance with said women after 8 dances on the trot because of it.

[Gojive]

Originally Posted by ChrisA

I don't think there's any need to worry on this front.

People that are inclined to perv on the dance floor don't need any tips on how to do it, and the ones that aren't, aren't going to be turned into pervs by reading this stuff.

Chris

In addition, I would guess that the kind of people who post on/read this forum are purely dance fanatics, and as such are on the dance floor for one reason only....to dance!!

[Daisy Chain]

I danced with a really sexy man last night. And he didn't touch me inappropriately. Not even once

An Untouched Daisy

[Northants Girly]

Originally Posted by stewart38

Some women can dance inappropriately

Please could you elaborate?

[drathzel]

Originally Posted by Daisy Chain

I danced with a really sexy man last night. And he didn't touch me inappropriately. Not even once

An Untouched Daisy

Poor daisy,

could you not have said.."you can put your hand there*point to inappropriate places*" If you can warn people off, you can encourage them!

[ChrisA]

Originally Posted by drathzel

If you can warn people off, you can encourage them!

.....

Absolutely right

... nothing I say about sleaze should ever be taken to imply that I don't like a bit of encouragement

Chris

[MartinHarper]

I recall one conversation...

*accusingly* "Is your hand on my bum?"
*flustered* "err... no, I wasn't..."
*demandingly* "Why not?"

Did the trick. I'm impressionable like that.

[Gadget]

Originally Posted by Zuhal

Some of the detail that I have read in this thread is like a workshop for mis behaviour despite the intention with which it has been set out.

I know how to make explosives and poisons. I know lots of "dangerous" and potentialy illegal practices. I know how to work around a lot of security and forensic stuff. My knowledge works to highlight me to potential threats and risks- what to keep safe, what to keep seperate, where to place & not to place stuff, how to secure and take preventative measures.

Knowledge in it's self has no "good" or "bad" to it. Only in it's application do the motivations of the person using it come to light.

If a person is aware of how moves could be taken advantage of, then they are more likley to a)spot and b)avoid such practices.
Most moves that I have seen taught that carry potential of 'bikini' moments have been taught with "ladies - if the man is having problems finding your hip, show him." or "If you feel it's too close, use your hand to block and controll your own distance"

Would a workshop giving tips and advice on how to handle slease/inappropriate moves/escapes on the dance floor be a good idea?

[ChrisA]

Originally Posted by Gadget

Would a workshop giving tips and advice on how to handle slease/inappropriate moves/escapes on the dance floor be a good idea?

Probably...

... and obviously there'd be a need for someone with impeccable anti-sleaze credentials to role-play the bad guy...

It would be tough, dirty work... but I'd be prepared to do it

For the sake of the greater good, naturally

[Lynn]

Originally Posted by Gadget

Would a workshop giving tips and advice on how to handle slease/inappropriate moves/escapes on the dance floor be a good idea?

But that might suggest that you should be prepared - ie expect as a likely possiblility - to encounter it on the dance floor. If that was the message it was giving then that would put beginners off. And I don't want to have to dance defensively - if a guy is really crossing the line then I would probably just stop following, if that didn't give him the hint I might even simply walk off.

What might be more useful is for men to be trained how to 'read' the situation correctly about a woman's comfort level - that would help to reduce the uncomfortable dances that a woman might have and might highlight the real persistently offending pervs - who could then be asked to leave.

[Northants Girly]

Originally Posted by stewart38

Some women can dance inappropriately

Come on Stewart - please explain what you mean by this. Us girls need to know what we shouldn't be doing!

I am worried I might be doing it without realizing

[MartinHarper]

"If you feel it's too close, use your hand to block and control your own distance"

I find women who do this are considerably easier to lead in certain types of move than women who don't. I think it should be taught under the heading of "how to follow" rather than "how to handle sleaze".

[Andy McGregor]

Originally Posted by Northants Girly

Come on Stewart - please explain what you mean by this. Us girls need to know what we shouldn't be doing!

I am worried I might be doing it without realizing

For me it's down to the message you receive from some partners - please note, this happens to me very, very rarely.

Very occasionally I get a sort of sexual buying signal from my partners. They put themselves a bit closer than I've led them, hold on to the close moves and sort of stay stuck to me after I've tried to lead them out, and a few other things that I can't find the words to describe - basically pressing parts of themselves against me in a way which I find sexy.

BUT, for me at least, there is a BIG difference between having this done to me and guys doing it to women. And that difference is that, I DO LIKE IT! I don't welcome it, I completely ignore what's going on and see it as a temptation to completely resist rather than being an unpleasant experience. I think it must be part of our instinct as a male of the species . I would prefer it if I never had my willpower tested in this way - but, as I say, it's very infrequent and quite flattering

Of course, I could be reading all of the signals completely wrongly ...

[stewart38]

Originally Posted by Andy McGregor

For me it's down to the message you receive from some partners - please note, this happens to me very, very rarely.

Very occasionally I get a sort of sexual buying signal from my partners. They put themselves a bit closer than I've led them, hold on to the close moves and sort of stay stuck to me after I've tried to lead them out, and a few other things that I can't find the words to describe - basically pressing parts of themselves against me in a way which I find sexy.

BUT, for me at least, there is a BIG difference between having this done to me and guys doing it to women. And that difference is that, I DO LIKE IT! I don't welcome it, I completely ignore what's going on and see it as a temptation to completely resist rather than being an unpleasant experience. I think it must be part of our instinct as a male of the species . I would prefer it if I never had my willpower tested in this way - but, as I say, it's very infrequent and quite flattering

Of course, I could be reading all of the signals completely wrongly ...

I couldnt say it any better, maybe just infrequent for me not very infrequent

[Magic Hans]

Originally Posted by Gadget

I know how to make explosives and poisons. I know lots of "dangerous" and potentialy illegal practices. I know how to work around a lot of security and forensic stuff.
...

Excellent!!!! ... I know this really good bank, with lots of money fancy errrr ... hang on [reads further]

Originally Posted by Gadget

My knowledge works to highlight me to potential threats and risks- what to keep safe, what to keep seperate, where to place & not to place stuff, how to secure and take preventative measures.

Oh .... see what you mean ... good on you ... errrr .... forget about that bank stuff, eh??

[Northants Girly]

Originally Posted by stewart38

I couldnt say it any better

What a cop out!