20 Things It Takes A Lifetime To Learn

**Gadget** · 30th-May-2003, 12:12 PM

Dug this up from my computer's equivelent of an attic...

20 THINGS IT TAKES A LIFETIME TO LEARN

1. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious or political views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He will not use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.

6. You should not confuse your career with your life.

7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

10. Never lick a steak knife.

11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.

12. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.

13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.

16. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above average drivers.

17. The main accomplishment of almost all organised protests is to annoy people who are not in them.

18. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

19. Your friends love you anyway.

20. Never argue with an idiot; people watching can't tell which is which

**Dreadful Scathe** · 30th-May-2003, 01:41 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Gadget
Dug this up from my computer's equivelent of an attic...

4. People who want to share their religious or political views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

20. Never argue with an idiot; people watching can't tell which is which

A couple of useful tips there that even work in a forum environment like this..and so true

.

**Jon** · 1st-June-2003, 10:46 AM

1. Women

nuff said

:sorry

*Heather* · 1st-June-2003, 05:23 PM

You mean to say that you will actually profess to UNDERSTAND us by the end of your lifetime?

Heather.

CJ · 2nd-June-2003, 01:49 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Heather
You mean to say that you will actually profess to UNDERSTAND us by the end of your lifetime?

Heather.

Ah, but Heather...

if he was to profess it, then surely he wouldn't understand women, would he?!?!?!!?!??

Alfie · 3rd-June-2003, 10:18 PM

Re: The Subject of Women,

Gave up trying to understand them when I was about 11. They will remain (as a race of people) a glorious mystery to me for the rest of my days, but I love them all the same

CJ · 4th-June-2003, 12:47 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Alfie
Re: but I love them all the same

You sure you don't love 1 more than the others, though??

**Dreadful Scathe** · 4th-June-2003, 09:11 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Alfie
They will remain (as a race of people)

Women are not a race - you've got confused

There is a human race though

Sandy · 4th-June-2003, 10:01 AM

14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

The same principle for age as well - always underestimate!

Sandy

Dave Hancock · 4th-June-2003, 11:04 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Sandy
1
The same principle for age as well - always underestimate!

Sandy

Given you can't be much more than about 23, if I was to underestimate your age I'd have to go for about 14, close

Sandy · 5th-June-2003, 09:57 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Dave Hancock
Sandy

Given you can't be much more than about 23, if I was to underestimate your age I'd have to go for about 14, close

Call me shallow but you just earned yourself Star of the Year Award!

By the way I must be honest, I'm just over 24!!!!

Sandy

Alfie · 5th-June-2003, 05:41 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Ceroc Jock
You sure you don't love 1 more than the others, though??

Well of course the boss Lady is the one I love most of all

30th-May-2003, 12:12 PM	#1 (permalink)
Gadget Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Cruden Bay (Aberdeen) Posts: 6,082 Rep Power: 5 Reputation Total: 1516	20 Things It Takes A Lifetime To Learn Dug this up from my computer's equivelent of an attic... 20 THINGS IT TAKES A LIFETIME TO LEARN 1. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings." 3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness." 4. People who want to share their religious or political views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. 5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He will not use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle. 6. You should not confuse your career with your life. 7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously. 8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy. 9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. 10. Never lick a steak knife. 11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie. 12. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip. 13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time. 14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment. 15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11. 16. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above average drivers. 17. The main accomplishment of almost all organised protests is to annoy people who are not in them. 18. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. 19. Your friends love you anyway. 20. Never argue with an idiot; people watching can't tell which is which __________________ I used to be an angel, you know with halo and those wings; Now that i'm a devil, my mind's on other things... My feathers turned to ash, and my harp has broke in two; I took uppon myself, to have a dance with you... ¤ TheEvolutionOfMJ ¤ SensualDancing ¤ TechniquesOfLeading ¤ MarkOfaGoodTeacher ¤ Style ¤ Moves,moves,moves ¤ MoveMap ¤ DanceingTest ¤ DanceFloorSlease ¤

1st-June-2003, 10:46 AM	#3 (permalink)
Jon Taxi Dancer Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: London Posts: 283 Rep Power: 3 Reputation Total: 10	1. Women nuff said :sorry __________________ It's only one dance. What's the Worst that could happen!

1st-June-2003, 05:23 PM	#4 (permalink)
Heather Commercial Operator Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Dundee Posts: 1,079 Rep Power: 4 Reputation Total: 276	Women!! You mean to say that you will actually profess to UNDERSTAND us by the end of your lifetime? Heather.

4th-June-2003, 10:01 AM	#9 (permalink)
Sandy Registered User Join Date: May 2002 Location: Stonehaven Posts: 603 Rep Power: 4 Reputation Total: 20	Age as well! 14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment. The same principle for age as well - always underestimate! Sandy

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3rd-June-2003, 10:18 PM	#6 (permalink)
Alfie Registered User Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Stourbridge,West Midlands Posts: 240 Rep Power: 3 Reputation Total: 16	Re: The Subject of Women, Gave up trying to understand them when I was about 11. They will remain (as a race of people) a glorious mystery to me for the rest of my days, but I love them all the same

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