Customer Survey

[azande]

This was allegedly posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas Website
by an employee there who obviously has a sense of humour. The company,
of course, does not have a sense of humour, and made the web department
take it down immediately (for once, the 'IMPORTANT' note at the end is
worth a read too...).

Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order
to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out
the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is
not required, but the information will help us to develop new products
that best meet your needs and desires.

1. Title:
[_] Mr.
[_] Mrs.
[_] Ms.
[_] Miss
[_] Lt.
[_] Gen.
[_] Comrade
[_] Classfied
[_] Other

First Name: .................................................. ...
Initial: ........
Last Name.............................................. ........
Password: .............................. (max. 8 char)
Code Name: .................................................. ....
Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ........... ...........

2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?
[_] F-14 Tomcat
[_] F-15 Eagle
[_] F-16 Falcon
[_] F-117A Stealth
[_] Classified

3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): 19....... /....... /......

4. Serial Number: ...............................................

5. Please indicate where this product was purchased:
[_] Received as gift / aid package
[_] Catalogue / showroom
[_] Independent arms broker
[_] Mail order
[_] Discount store
[_] Government surplus
[_] Classified

6. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product
you have just purchased: [_] Heard loud noise, looked up [_] Store
display [_] Espionage [_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally [_]
Political lobbying by manufacturer [_] Was attacked by one

7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most influenced your
decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product: [_] Style /
appearance [_] Speed / manoeuvrability [_] Price / value [_] Comfort /
convenience [_] Kickback / bribe [_] Recommended by salesperson [_]
McDonnell Douglas reputation [_] Advanced Weapons Systems [_] Backroom
politics [_] Negative experience opposing one in combat

8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be used: [_]
North America [_] Iraq [_] Iran [_] Aircraft carrier [_] Iraq [_] Europe
[_] Iraq [_] Middle East (not Iraq) [_] Iraq [_] Africa [_] Iraq [_]
Asia / Far East [_] Iraq [_] Misc. Third World countries [_] Iraq [_]
Classified [_] Iraq

9. Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to
purchase in the near future: [_] Colour TV [_] VCR [_] ICBM [_] Killer
Satellite [_] CD Player [_] Air-to-Air Missiles [_] Space Shuttle [_]
Home Computer [_] Nuclear Weapon

10. How would you describe yourself or your organisation? (Indicate all
that
apply: )
[_] Communist / Socialist
[_] Terrorist
[_] Crazed
[_] Neutral
[_] Democratic
[_] Dictatorship
[_] Corrupt
[_] Primitive / Tribal

11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
[_] Deficit spending
[_] Cash
[_] Suitcases of cocaine
[_] Oil revenues
[_] Personal cheque
[_] Credit card
[_] Ransom money
[_] Traveller's cheque

12. Your occupation:
[_] Homemaker
[_] Sales / marketing
[_] Revolutionary
[_] Clerical
[_] Mercenary
[_] Tyrant
[_] Middle management
[_] Eccentric billionaire
[_] Defence Minister / General
[_] Retired
[_] Student

13. To help us better understand our customers, please indicate the
interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy
participating on a regular basis: [_] Golf [_] Boating / sailing [_]
Sabotage [_] Running / jogging [_] Propaganda / misinformation [_]
Destabilisation / overthrow [_] Default on loans [_] Gardening [_]
Crafts [_] Black market / smuggling [_] Collectibles / collections [_]
Watching sports on TV [_] Wines [_] Interrogation / torture [_]
Household pets [_] Crushing rebellions [_] Espionage / reconnaissance
[_] Fashion clothing [_] Border disputes [_] Mutually Assured
Destruction

Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your
answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas
serve you better in the future - as well as allowing you to receive
mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist
groups, and mysterious consortia. As a bonus for responding to this
survey, you will be registered to win a brand new F-117A in our Desert
Thunder Sweepstakes!

Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to:

McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION,
Marketing Department Military,
Aerospace Division

IMPORTANT: This email is intended for the use of the individual
addressee(s) named above and may contain information that is
confidential privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with
low self-esteem, no sense of humour or irrational religious beliefs. If
you are not the intended recipient, any dissemination, distribution or
copying of this email is not authorised (either explicitly or
implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social faux pas.

Unless the word absquatulation has been used in its correct context
somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have any legal or
grammatical use and may be ignored. No animals were harmed in the
transmission of this email, although the kelpie next door is living on
borrowed time, let me tell you. Those of you with an overwhelming fear
of the unknown will be gratified to learn that there is no hidden
message revealed by reading this warning backwards, so just ignore that
Alert

Notice from Microsoft. However, by pouring a complete circle of salt
around yourself and your computer you can ensure that no harm befalls
you and your pets. If you have received this email in error, please add
some nutmeg and egg whites and place it in a warm oven for 40 minutes.
Whisk briefly and let it stand for 2 hours before icing.


<img src="http://www.azande.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/images/windows_failure.gif">

[Dreadful Scathe]

brilliant especially the IMPORTANT bit