The Forum story so far...

[Lisa]

....with twinkletoes feet. But wait! Could it be true? He told her a wicked rumour that GUS was in Dr Feelgood's cosmetic surgery clinic. Could he really be having that BUM tuck known as the "Kylie uplift?" In the spirit of christmas cheer, Lisa and The Tramp raced across London to try and prevent stop him going over to the dark side. However, dark forces were desperately trying to intervene. Just as they arrived at the clinic.....

[Fran]

to the tune of "last christmas" and got passd horrendously decorated christmas tree - they heard the "snip snip" and "sucking" sounds comming from the direction of the operating theatre!!!!!!!!! Dr Feelgood stood with a evil smile on his face as he flexed his rubber gloves ...............

[Tiggerbabe]

licking his lips, and saying (to himself!) how much he enjoyed those candy canes that the nurse had brought in for the Christmas Tree. With the last of his wrapping up done he was feeling very pleased with himself and now only had one more client to deal with before he headed off for the holidays. "I'm ready now" he announced to all and sundry (two Christmas elves he'd employed to help out!!!!!!!!!) and right on cue they wheeled in..........................

[John S]

....... Ceroc Jock, who explained that a French super-hero had interfered with his avatar's bum, and left unsightly marks on it. CJ explained that he was constantly embarrassed by people shouting "Yer Arse, CJ", and he wanted the marks replaced by ..........

[Graham]

VE S E B on the right cheek, and I L on the left. Dr Feelgood reeled in horror as he realised what CJ had in mind but, being the mercenary scalpel-wielder he was, quickly turned his grimace into a sickly grin, and agreed to get started right away. Ignoring the doomed DJ for the time being, Lisa and Steve decided to check that they weren't too late - "Ah, yes," smirked Dr Feelgood, "Perhaps my finest work! He's upstairs recovering, and I think he's already got a visitor......

[Tiggerbabe]

he's in room 69 if you want to check how he's doing.....so - Lisa and the Tramp rushed to the lift and hurried upstairs! They opened the door marked 69 only to be met by the sight of a smiling Gus holding up the covers whilst someone was obviously tinkering with his equipment. "At last - I've got it!" said a voice and as Gus lowered his hands his saviours were surprised to see...................

[Gus]

the Doctor folding away his yardstick. "At last" ... he said again "conclusive proof that Gus IS half Jamaican!" Lisa thought about fainting but then obviously had other thoughts as a wicked grin crossed her otherwise angelic features and purposely approached the reclining Gus whilst a sullen Tramp muttered something about size not being everything. Just as the story was about the sink into new lows of sexual inneundo Sheena's strokeable trousers (with Sheena in them) strode in through the door and.......

[Fran]

anounced that she was thinking of becomming a Nun, because there was a cloister she had heard about in which the nuns got to wear nice velvet...

[Basil Brush]

... thongs 'neath their robes for certain rituals during the day when one is allowed to privately express repressed sexual desire.

Meanwhile Gus lay pensive, with a vague and blurred memory of a Jamaican milkman. He decided to share the good news about his large equipment however, and headed North to...........

[John S]

ÉÉÉ the Ceroc club at Nantwich, where the news of his ordeal at the hands of Dr Feelgood had been treated with jubilation. Astonished as they were to see his brazen return to the scene of his past (imagined) glories, they were even more astonished as Gus began to reveal the wondrous contents of his orange trousers. Suddenly, a voice piped up from the back ÉÉÉ

[filthycute]

and startled everyone!
"It's a lie!! a damned lie i tell you!! Gus' ridiculous claims to be half Jamaican is a figment of his imagination!!!"
With one swift movement all heads turned to see who this outspoken vagabond was.........
ELLIOT!

There was no apparent reason for Elliot to be so callous as to deny Gus of his little fantasy, however with the Open Jive comp coming up maybe he was starting to feel a little inferior and this would be his way of causing havoc and possibly shaming Gus into not competing. When everyone knew the truth about what Gus really kept in his orange trousers, surely the sheer embarrassment would make him withdraw from the comp and go into exile. With baited breath everyone waited for the the truth to unfold......

Now Elliot claims to have known the Jamaican milkman involved and apparently he had a watertight alibi as to where he was on the night Gus was concieved. Now this brings us to only one conclusion........Gus wasn't half Jamaican as first thought, but he was in fact half.......

[TheTramp]

Welsh. The lucky man.

Anyhow, Elliot continued his callousness, by reaching into Gus' trousers, drawing forth a

[filthycute]

mini disc player, which Gus always kept concealed in his pants incase his equipment should ever let him down.
Oh the harsh realities of djing. Now Elliot had exposed Gus and his phoney package would the feud end?? Would he leave well alone and retire with a smug satisfied grin plastered on his face?.........well unfortunately, no....it wasn't quite over until...