Jokes - Page 64

doc martin · 28th-October-2005, 04:40 PM

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for these jokes. Please address all complaints to A. Blair, 10 Downing Street, London.

My boyfriend, not happy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods. When I'm in a good mood it turns green.
When I'm in a bad mood it leaves a big f*cking red mark on his forehead.
Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond.

My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, This will make you happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.

A couple are lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman says, "I'll miss you."

He said - "Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make Love to you really badly."
She said - "Well, you've succeeded."

Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
A: Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Q: Why do men want to marry virgins?
A: They can't stand criticism.

Q: What makes men chase women if they have no intention of marrying?
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Q: What do you do if you see a man running around with half a head?
A: Reload and try again!

**David Bailey** · 31st-October-2005, 11:22 AM

A gentleman asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot over to an attractive woman.

The waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, "This is from the gentleman seated over there ," indicating the sender.

She regarded the wine coolly for a second, not looking at the man, and decided to send a reply note to the man. The waiter, who was lingering for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.

The note read: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants."

After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to return this to the woman.

It read: "For your information, I have a Ferrari Maranello, a BMW Z8, a Mercedes CL600 and a Porsche Turbo in my garage. There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you would I cut three inches off. Just send the bottle back."

DianaS · 31st-October-2005, 11:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DavidJames

A gentleman asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot over to an attractive woman.

The waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, "This is from the gentleman seated over there ," indicating the sender.

She regarded the wine coolly for a second, not looking at the man, and decided to send a reply note to the man. The waiter, who was lingering for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.

The note read: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants."

After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to return this to the woman.

It read: "For your information, I have a Ferrari Maranello, a BMW Z8, a Mercedes CL600 and a Porsche Turbo in my garage. There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you would I cut three inches off. Just send the bottle back."

She looked quickly across at him, and, taking his measure opened the bottle, drank it in one fail draught and crossed the room puposefully to his table.
Looking him boldly in the eye she responded "..with assets as large as yours, I sometimes have been known to make concessions. Tell me though more about these cars did they come in a matchbox?" and swinging her porche car keys in front of him added quietly "and about your 10 inches... does it come in a jiffy?"

DianaS · 1st-November-2005, 09:59 AM

Hmmm a few funnies came in and made me laugh!

DianaS · 1st-November-2005, 10:00 AM

Yes I'll get some work done soon!

**Icey** · 2nd-November-2005, 04:55 PM

Blonde Logic

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking........ and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away..........Florida or the moon?"

The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida...?????"

**philsmove** · 3rd-November-2005, 08:38 AM

In the Hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces. "The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, semi-risky and you will have to pay for the brain yourselves." The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?" The doctor quickly responded, "£5,000 for a male brain, and £200 for a female brain." The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. A man, unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the male brain so much more?" The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and so to the entire group said, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've been used.

**stewart38** · 3rd-November-2005, 02:31 PM

Fresh from her shower, she stood in front of the mirror complaining to
her husband that her breasts were too small. Instead of
characteristically telling her it's not so, he uncharacteristically come
up with a suggestion.

"If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet
paper and rub it between them for a few seconds."

Willing to try anything, she fetched a piece of toilet paper and stood
in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts. "How long will
this take?" she asked.

"They will grow larger over a period of years," her husband replied.

She stopped. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper
between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the
years?"

Without missing a beat he said: "Worked for your arse, didn't it?"

senorita · 3rd-November-2005, 03:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stewart38

Fresh from her shower, she stood in front of the mirror complaining to
her husband that her breasts were too small. Instead of
characteristically telling her it's not so, he uncharacteristically come
up with a suggestion.

"If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet
paper and rub it between them for a few seconds."

Willing to try anything, she fetched a piece of toilet paper and stood
in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts. "How long will
this take?" she asked.

"They will grow larger over a period of years," her husband replied.

She stopped. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper
between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the
years?"

Without missing a beat he said: "Worked for your arse, didn't it?"

Brillant!

**Tessalicious** · 4th-November-2005, 12:38 AM

I really am the wrong gender to be posting this but I thought it was great!

**Tessalicious** · 4th-November-2005, 08:49 AM

And another one:

Proof that it pays to be stupid:

We all know that "Time is money" and "Knowledge is power":

Time = Money

Knowledge = Power

And as all good engineers know, work is the product of power and time:

Work = Power * Time

Therefore:

Work = Knowledge * Money

Which can be rearranged to show that

Knowledge = Work / Money

Or, for a given amount of work, as knowledge tends to zero, money becomes infinite...

Disclaimer: Probably best not to share this with your CEO

David Franklin · 4th-November-2005, 09:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tessalicious

Knowledge = Work / Money

Or, for a given amount of work, as knowledge tends to zero, money becomes infinite...

To be pedantic, what that actually says is that as knowledge tends to zero, the cost of getting a piece of work done tends to infinity, which actually kind of makes sense...

On a related note:

Once upon a time, the Dim Lightbulb Electric company built a new power station. Unfortunately, every time they tried to run it, the system would start overheating and have to be shut down. Their best engineers slaved over the problem, but couldnt find a solution (this was the Dim Lightbulb company, after all). Eventually, the CEO asked:

"Isn't there anyone who might be able to sort this out?"

"Well, there's Professor Branestorm", answered a minion, "he's the world expert on power stations. But he's retired from commercial practice".

"Well get him! We'll pay whatever he wants"

So after much persuasion, Prof Branestorm arrived at the power station. He spent an hour touring the facility, and then another 90 minutes looking at the blue prints. Finally he drew a small cross over a single valve in the design and said "this valve needs upgrading".

So the company upgraded the valve, and lo and behold, all was well. Until a bill arrived from Prof Branestorm for $1,000,000!

"That's an outrageous sum for that amount of work" screamed the CEO, "ask him to itemize it!"

A few days later a new bill arrived:

Drawing a cross on blueprint: $1
Knowing where to put it: $999999

**under par** · 4th-November-2005, 11:23 PM

Subject: Press release
>
> David Blunkett has released the following statement
>
>
>
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>
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. ... .
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.... . . .
> .
> .
> .. . . ...... ... . .... . ..... . . . . .... ... . . ....
....... .

**Missy D** · 6th-November-2005, 03:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by under par

Subject: Press release
>
> David Blunkett has released the following statement
>
>
>
> ... . ... .. .... ... .. .... .. . . . ..... .. . ... . ...
.... . . .
> .
> .... . . . . . . ... . ... . . . . . . . . . .. .... . . . ..
. . .. .
> .
> ..... ... . .... . ..... . . . . .... ... . . .... ....... .
...... .
> ....
> .. . ...... ..... . ...... . . . ......... .. . . ..... .
........ ..
> ..... . ....... ...... .. . .... ... ....... .... .. ... ...
... . .
> ...
> .. . . ........ . . . ...... . . . ...... .. ... ..... .. ...
....
>
> ... ... .. ... .. . ... .. .... ... .. .... .. . . . ..... ..
. ... .
>
> ..
> ... . . . . ..... . . . . . . ... . ... . . . . . . . . . ..
.... . . .
> .
> .
> .. . . ...... ... . .... . ..... . . . . .... ... . . ....
....... .

............. ....... Brilliant

**Missy D** · 6th-November-2005, 04:02 PM

My friend recently gave birth to her 3rd large baby. Her husband was present as he was at the birth with the other children. After giving birth the nurse came in to stitch his wife up. He then said to the nurse "cant you put a few more stitches in as it looks like a horse collar". He also commented that he would have to fix a plank to his back to stop him falling in when he makes love to her next.

**Baruch** · 7th-November-2005, 06:58 PM

A sign in the Bank Lobby reads: "Please note that this Bank is
installing new Drive-through teller machines enabling customers to withdraw cash
without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested
to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.
After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures
have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender."

MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.

************************************************** ***************************
FEMALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with
the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate
card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its
excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the
inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of
checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the
slot provided.
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.

*Dance Demon* · 7th-November-2005, 07:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Baruch

************************************************** ***************************
FEMALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with
the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate
card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its
excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the
inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of
checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the
slot provided.
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.

senorita · 9th-November-2005, 08:22 AM

Sorry if you have already seen this but made me laugh...

A young wife, who was becoming frustrated with her young husband's constant demands for sex, decides to make a schedule for him, to cut down on the amount of times that they will have to make love for the rest of their marriage.

While getting ready for work, she writes on a piece of paper, "Honey, you know I love you, but your never ending requests for sex are leaving me drained and really tired. So I propose that we only have sex on days that start with the letter 'T', to minimise the frequency of our lovemaking sessions. Don't be mad at me honey, just understand where I am coming from, and let me know if my request is too demanding of you."

On her way out the door, she uses a refrigerator magnet and sticks the note to the fridge door, hoping that her sex craved husband will be understanding and accepting of her proposal when he reads it.

Upon returning home, she glances at the refrigerator and notices that her note has been replaced with a note from her husband that reads,

"Baby, I didn't' realise that I was putting you under so much pressure and I'm sorry. I accept your proposal and have even taken the extra step of listing at the bottom of this letter, those days starting with the letter 'T' to make sure that we are on the same page.

1. TUESDAY

2. THURSDAY

3. TODAY

4. TOMORROW

P.S. I love you too, and remember it's still TODAY, I am waiting for you upstairs."

Stuart · 13th-November-2005, 12:49 PM

What happened when the dog went to the flea circus?

It stole the show.

28th-October-2005, 04:40 PM	#1261 (permalink)
doc martin Registered User Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: fife Posts: 335 Status: No Status Rep Power: 2 Rep.: 419	Women's humour Disclaimer: I am not responsible for these jokes. Please address all complaints to A. Blair, 10 Downing Street, London. My boyfriend, not happy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods. When I'm in a good mood it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood it leaves a big f*cking red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond. My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, This will make you happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in. A couple are lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman says, "I'll miss you." He said - "Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make Love to you really badly." She said - "Well, you've succeeded." Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart? A: Through his chest with a sharp knife. Q: Why do men want to marry virgins? A: They can't stand criticism. Q: What makes men chase women if they have no intention of marrying? A: The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. Q: What do you do if you see a man running around with half a head? A: Reload and try again!

31st-October-2005, 11:22 AM	#1262 (permalink)
David Bailey Formerly known as DavidJames Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Norf Lundin Posts: 14,316 Status: Yes Blog Entries: 1 Rep Power: 8 Rep.: 3847	Re: Jokes A gentleman asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot over to an attractive woman. The waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, "This is from the gentleman seated over there ," indicating the sender. She regarded the wine coolly for a second, not looking at the man, and decided to send a reply note to the man. The waiter, who was lingering for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman. The note read: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants." After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to return this to the woman. It read: "For your information, I have a Ferrari Maranello, a BMW Z8, a Mercedes CL600 and a Porsche Turbo in my garage. There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you would I cut three inches off. Just send the bottle back." __________________ Jivetango Godfather Inventor of the Masterclass Baboon-worrier extraordinaire

1st-November-2005, 09:59 AM	#1264 (permalink)
DianaS Registered User Join Date: May 2004 Location: Lying in the gutter, looking at the stars Posts: 1,434 Status: No Status Rep Power: 3 Rep.: 511	If Women Ruled The World - Part 1 Hmmm a few funnies came in and made me laugh! Last edited by DianaS; 17th-July-2007 at 06:49 PM.

1st-November-2005, 10:00 AM	#1265 (permalink)
DianaS Registered User Join Date: May 2004 Location: Lying in the gutter, looking at the stars Posts: 1,434 Status: No Status Rep Power: 3 Rep.: 511	If Women Ruled the World - Part 2 Yes I'll get some work done soon! Last edited by DianaS; 17th-July-2007 at 06:48 PM.

2nd-November-2005, 04:55 PM	#1266 (permalink)
Icey Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Back from exam limbo Posts: 1,329 Status: No Status Rep Power: 2 Rep.: 655	Re: Jokes Blonde Logic Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking........ and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away..........Florida or the moon?" The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida...?????"

3rd-November-2005, 08:38 AM	#1267 (permalink)
philsmove Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Brizzel my love Posts: 1,787 Status: No Status Rep Power: 3 Rep.: 611	Re: Jokes In the Hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces. "The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, semi-risky and you will have to pay for the brain yourselves." The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?" The doctor quickly responded, "£5,000 for a male brain, and £200 for a female brain." The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. A man, unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the male brain so much more?" The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and so to the entire group said, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've been used. __________________ “Where the man goes, the lady must follow...” Liz , Strictly Ballroom

3rd-November-2005, 02:31 PM	#1268 (permalink)
stewart38 Senior Member Join Date: May 2003 Location: Ambrosden it gets dark at night so suits me Posts: 6,595 Status: No Status Rep Power: 5 Rep.: 1810	Re: Jokes Fresh from her shower, she stood in front of the mirror complaining to her husband that her breasts were too small. Instead of characteristically telling her it's not so, he uncharacteristically come up with a suggestion. "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds." Willing to try anything, she fetched a piece of toilet paper and stood in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts. "How long will this take?" she asked. "They will grow larger over a period of years," her husband replied. She stopped. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?" Without missing a beat he said: "Worked for your arse, didn't it?"

4th-November-2005, 08:49 AM	#1271 (permalink)
Tessalicious Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Kentish Town Posts: 1,606 Status: No Status Rep Power: 3 Rep.: 1716	Re: Jokes And another one: Proof that it pays to be stupid: We all know that "Time is money" and "Knowledge is power": Time = Money Knowledge = Power And as all good engineers know, work is the product of power and time: Work = Power * Time Therefore: Work = Knowledge * Money Which can be rearranged to show that Knowledge = Work / Money Or, for a given amount of work, as knowledge tends to zero, money becomes infinite... Disclaimer: Probably best not to share this with your CEO __________________ A woman is like a tea bag. You never know how strong she is until she gets into hot water. Eleanor Roosevelt Don't ask, don't tell - follow. Incubus

4th-November-2005, 11:23 PM	#1273 (permalink)
under par Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Worthing Posts: 5,960 Status: No Status Rep Power: 5 Rep.: 2418	Re: Jokes Subject: Press release > > David Blunkett has released the following statement > > > > ... . ... .. .... ... .. .... .. . . . ..... .. . ... . ... .... . . . > . > .... . . . . . . ... . ... . . . . . . . . . .. .... . . . .. . . .. . > . > ..... ... . .... . ..... . . . . .... ... . . .... ....... . ...... . > .... > .. . ...... ..... . ...... . . . ......... .. . . ..... . ........ .. > ..... . ....... ...... .. . .... ... ....... .... .. ... ... ... . . > ... > .. . . ........ . . . ...... . . . ...... .. ... ..... .. ... .... > > ... ... .. ... .. . ... .. .... ... .. .... .. . . . ..... .. . ... . > > .. > ... . . . . ..... . . . . . . ... . ... . . . . . . . . . .. .... . . . > . > . > .. . . ...... ... . .... . ..... . . . . .... ... . . .... ....... .

6th-November-2005, 04:02 PM	#1275 (permalink)
Missy D Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: N3 Posts: 3,612 Status: No Status Rep Power: 4	Re: Jokes My friend recently gave birth to her 3rd large baby. Her husband was present as he was at the birth with the other children. After giving birth the nurse came in to stitch his wife up. He then said to the nurse "cant you put a few more stitches in as it looks like a horse collar". He also commented that he would have to fix a plank to his back to stop him falling in when he makes love to her next.

7th-November-2005, 06:58 PM	#1276 (permalink)
Baruch Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Pontllanfraith, South Wales Posts: 1,955 Status: No Status Rep Power: 3 Rep.: 676	Re: Jokes A sign in the Bank Lobby reads: "Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through teller machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender." MALE PROCEDURE: 1. Drive up to the cash machine. 2. Put down your car window. 3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN. 4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw. 5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt. 6. Put window up. 7. Drive off. ************************************************ ************************* FEMALE PROCEDURE: 1. Drive up to cash machine. 2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine. 3. Set parking brake, put the window down. 4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card. 5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up 6. Attempt to insert card into machine. 7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car. 8. Insert card. 9. Re-insert card the right way. 10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page. 11. Enter PIN. 12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN. 13. Enter amount of cash required. 14. Check makeup in rear view mirror. 15. Retrieve cash and receipt. 16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside. 17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook. 18. Re-check makeup. 19. Drive forward 2 feet. 20. Reverse back to cash machine. 21. Retrieve card. 22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided. 23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you. 24. Restart stalled engine and pull off. 25. Redial person on cell phone. 26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles. 27. Release Parking Brake. __________________ To err is human, to moo bovine.

9th-November-2005, 08:22 AM	#1278 (permalink)
senorita Registered User Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Bedford Posts: 1,043 Status: No Status Rep Power: 3 Rep.: 504	Re: Jokes Sorry if you have already seen this but made me laugh... A young wife, who was becoming frustrated with her young husband's constant demands for sex, decides to make a schedule for him, to cut down on the amount of times that they will have to make love for the rest of their marriage. While getting ready for work, she writes on a piece of paper, "Honey, you know I love you, but your never ending requests for sex are leaving me drained and really tired. So I propose that we only have sex on days that start with the letter 'T', to minimise the frequency of our lovemaking sessions. Don't be mad at me honey, just understand where I am coming from, and let me know if my request is too demanding of you." On her way out the door, she uses a refrigerator magnet and sticks the note to the fridge door, hoping that her sex craved husband will be understanding and accepting of her proposal when he reads it. Upon returning home, she glances at the refrigerator and notices that her note has been replaced with a note from her husband that reads, "Baby, I didn't' realise that I was putting you under so much pressure and I'm sorry. I accept your proposal and have even taken the extra step of listing at the bottom of this letter, those days starting with the letter 'T' to make sure that we are on the same page. 1. TUESDAY 2. THURSDAY 3. TODAY 4. TOMORROW P.S. I love you too, and remember it's still TODAY, I am waiting for you upstairs."

13th-November-2005, 12:49 PM	#1279 (permalink)
Stuart Registered User Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Reading Posts: 1,017 Status: No Status Rep Power: 3 Rep.: 197	Re: Jokes What happened when the dog went to the flea circus? It stole the show.

14th-November-2005, 09:05 AM	#1280 (permalink)
David Bailey Formerly known as DavidJames Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Norf Lundin Posts: 14,316 Status: Yes Blog Entries: 1 Rep Power: 8 Rep.: 3847