Blaze 2008, Ayr 9/12th May 2008:
The Ceroc Scotland 3-nights Week-ender
Ceroc Scotland Homepage
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| Fun and Games A special area for games, jokes, quizzes, flash games, etc... Nothing to do with dance (usually), but a great way to waste time :D |
| Quick News |
- Musicality workshop with Steve the Tramp Sunday 29th June. 12.00pm to 2.00pm. Followed by Tea-dance with DJ Tiggerbabe. Price: Only £16.00 for workshop + Tea-dance, Book online now! - Aberdeen Beach Ballroom week-end with Lucky & Ruby * IMPORTANT: POSTPONED DATE* 26th/27th July, A great selection of workshops from US Blues experts Lucky & Ruby Book online now! - Residential Focus BLUES Week-ender 5th/7th September. All inclusive 2 nights Dinner, Bed & Breakfast week-ender. 5 Focus classes on Blues with Franck Friday & Saturday late night parties open to everyone... With extra Blues Room on the Saturday night. Price: Early bird price: £139.00, Book online now! Upgrade your Forum experience, become a SILVER MEMBER! Benefits of Silver membership: - View what everyone is up to on the 'Who's online page, be invisible on the Forum, Create your own Blog, Remove Google Adverts, Filter new posts to avoid certain areas (e.g. Fun & Games, Chit Chat, Geek corner, etc...) when searching new posts, Send attachments in Private Messages, Chat room access , choose a custom avatar and have a Signature! + 4000 Private messages and tracking... Join today from as little as £6.00: Silver Member Subscriptions |
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19th-December-2002, 04:47 PM
| #1 (permalink) |
| The Forum Legend  Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Dundee, Scotland
Posts: 10,470
Rep Power: 6
Reputation Total: 1692   | Jokes Hmmmm.... I think it's about time someone started a thread for everyone to put their favourite jokes. I'll get the ball rolling with a topical one...  Three men all pass away on Christmas Eve. They pass up to heaven, and are met at the pearly gates by St.Peter. St. Peter says to them, 'Since it's Christmas, you can only enter, if you can show me something in the Christmas spirit'. The first guy digs deep in his pockets, pull out a lighter and sparks up a flame. St. Peter looks at him quizzically. 'Candles' says the man, and gets let in. The first guy digs deeper in his pockets, pull out a set of keys and jingles them. St. Peter looks at him quizzically. 'Bells' says the man, and gets let in. The third man digs even deeper in his pockets, a worried look upon his face. Finally, with a relieved smile, he pulls out a pair of skimpy red knickers. St. Peter looks at him with an absolute look of disbelief on his face.... And the man says....  They're Carols!!!  Steve |
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19th-December-2002, 07:26 PM
| #3 (permalink) |
| Omnipotent Moderator  Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Monifieth, Bonny Dundee
Posts: 5,188
Rep Power: 10
Reputation Total: 1609 |  From a cracker! Why don't cars play football? 'Cause they've only got one boot! Aw! Come on - it's funny.................. (Can't tell you my favourite joke - it's far too rude:sorry ) |
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19th-December-2002, 10:32 PM
| #4 (permalink) |
| Registered User  Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Stourbridge,West Midlands
Posts: 240
Rep Power: 3
Reputation Total: 16 | Jokes Hi All, I'll start with a clean one. Q: What do you call a frenchman wearing sandals? A: Philipe Phillop!!!!! Ha Ha Ha!!!!!!!!!Well I Thought it was funny |
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20th-December-2002, 10:12 AM
| #7 (permalink) |
| The Forum Legend Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Dundee, Scotland
Posts: 10,470
Rep Power: 6
Reputation Total: 1692 | Letter to an agony aunt: Dear Abby: I have been engaged for almost a year. I am to be married next month. My fiancee's mother is not only very attractive but really great and understanding. She is putting the entire wedding together and invited me to her place to go over the invitation list because it had grown a bit beyond what we had expected it to be. When I got to her place we reviewed the list and trimmed it down to just under a hundred ... then she floored me. She said that in a month I would be a married man and that before that happened,she wanted to have sex with me. Then she just stood upand walked to her bedroom and on her way said that I knew where the front door was if I wanted to leave. I stood there for about five minutes and finally decided that I knew exactly how to deal with this situation. I headed straight out the front door... There, leaning against my car was her husband, my father-in-law to be. He was smiling. He explained that they just wanted to be sure I was a good kid and would be true to their little girl. I shook his hand and he congratulated me on passing their little test. Abby, should I tell my fiancee' what her parents did, and that I thought their "little test" was asinine and insulting to my character? Or should I keep the whole thing to myself including the fact that the reason I was walking out to my car was to get a condom? Steve |
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20th-December-2002, 10:14 AM
| #8 (permalink) | |
| Registered User  Join Date: Jan 2002
Posts: 1,000
Rep Power: 4
Reputation Total: 59 | Quote:
1) It's sooo funny with alcohol (as I said before) 2) It's the only clean one I can think of off the top of my head. (i've got a favourire unclean one but there's a visual thing that makes it funny and so it wouldn't come across on the forum... Unless I could get Gadget to make an animation....) Jayne  | |
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29th-December-2002, 03:22 PM
| #9 (permalink) |
| The Forum Legend Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Dundee, Scotland
Posts: 10,470
Rep Power: 6
Reputation Total: 1692 | Three old men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first old man, "What is three times three"? "274" was his reply. The doctor says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three"? "Tuesday" replies the second man. The doctor says to the third man, "OK, Your turn. What's three times three"? "Nine" says the third man. "That's great" says the doctor. "How did you get that"? "Simple" says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday". So, this is what I've got to look forward to then eh?  Steve |
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2nd-January-2003, 02:37 PM
| #13 (permalink) |
| Registered User  Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: London
Posts: 2,786
Rep Power: 5
Reputation Total: 2426 | Another LOTR one... With mounting apprehension, Frodo entered the Prancing Pony. He'd been warned that all manner of evil creatures were after him, searching for the one ring. He went to the bar, and was waiting to be served, when there was an almighty crash and the inn doors slammed open. Frodo stared in terror as one of Sauron's Ringwraiths was silhoutted in the doorway. Everyone hurried to get out of it's way as the creature advanced steadily towards him. It came to a stop before him, scanning from his feet to his head - as if it could sense the ring was nearby. Frodo knew he couldn't just stand there in front of the creature's gaze. I'll have to bluff, he thought - make it think I'm just an innocent bystander, out to have a good time. And thus, he said: "So, what's a Nazgul like you doing in a place like this?" |
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2nd-January-2003, 06:07 PM
| #14 (permalink) |
| Senior Member  Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Versailles
Posts: 1,935
Rep Power: 4
Reputation Total: 187 | Four engineers get in a car, and one starts it, but after a few seconds the engine coughs and dies. A couple of further attempts produce similar results. The first, a mechanical engineer, says "I think I know what the problem is - it sounded as if one of the valves was stuck, so I'll just pop out and have a look at the engine, see if I can free it and we'll be away in no time." "Nonsense!" retorted the second, a chemical engineer. "I think the fuel's been contaminated - the smell is very distinctive - I'll just pop out, drain the fuel tank, refill it from the spare can, and we'll be off in minutes." "You're both wrong, as usual!" piped up the third, an electrical engineer. "I'm sure one of the spark plugs wasn't firing, so I'll just pop out, check the wiring, and we'll be motoring along before you know it." "Actually, I've got another idea" suggested the fourth, a software engineer. "Why don't we all get out, close all the doors, then try it again from the beginning?" |
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2nd-January-2003, 08:03 PM
| #15 (permalink) |
| Commercial Operator Join Date: Nov 2002
Posts: 3,523
Rep Power: 3
Reputation Total: 783 | Five guys were doing a tour of Ireland. They had completed the North and were heading south over the border, when they were stopped at a Garda checkpoint. The policeman looked in the car, opened the door and shouted "OK lads, out of the car". " What's the problem officer?" one of them asked. "You're driving a Quattro, which means four, and there's five of you " he replied . "No No" said the driver," Quattro is just the name that Audi gave the model, but it is meant to carry 5 people" ." Look I'm not going to argue" bellowed the officer "just get out of the car". "I've had enough of this" said the driver, "do you have a superior that I can talk to"." Yes"came the reply," but he's busy arresting two guys driving an Uno"............:sorry |
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3rd-January-2003, 04:22 PM
| #16 (permalink) |
| Commercial Operator Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 601
Rep Power: 3
Reputation Total: 67 | sorry it's a bit 'wude'.... The Royal Honeymoon On the day of her wedding to Prince Edward, Sophie was getting dressed, surrounded by all her family, and she suddenly realised she had forgotten her shoes. Panic set in until her sister remembered that she had a pair of white shoes from her wedding, so she lent them to Sophie for the day. Unfortunately they were a bit too small and by the time the festivities were over Sophie's feet were in agony. When she and Edward withdrew to their room the only thing she could think of was getting her shoes off. The rest of the Royal Family crowded round the door to the bedroom and they heard roughly what they expected: grunts, straining noises and the occasional muffled scream. Eventually, they heard Edward say, "God, that was tight." "There," whispered the Queen to her husband, the Duke, "I told you she was a virgin." Then, to their surprise, they heard Edward say, "Right. Now for the other one." Followed by more grunting and straining and at last Edward said, "My God. That was even tighter." "That's my boy," said the Duke. "Once a sailor, always a sailor." :sorry |
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8th-January-2003, 11:41 AM
| #17 (permalink) |
| Senior Member  Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Fife.
Posts: 4,983
Rep Power: 6
Reputation Total: 1744 | Just to lower the standard again... 2 snowmen sitting in a field, the first one says, "Can you smell carrots?" Da Dum, Ssh. Why did the Scarecrow win an award? Cos he was outstanding in his field. Da Dum, Ssh. A man was found dead in an ice cream van covered in hundreds and thousands... Police reports said he topped himself. Da Dum, Ssh. Hear about the guy that drowned in his muesli? He was pulled under by a strong currant. Da Dum, Ssh. Two elephants fall off a cliff. Da Dum!!!! :sorry :sorry :sorry :sorry :sorry :sorry :sorry
__________________ Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. www.readitandweep.net Risk more than others think safe; dream more than others think practical; care more than others think wise; desire more than others think possible.. ... then the Universe is yours. |
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8th-January-2003, 01:06 PM
| #18 (permalink) | |
| Papa Smurf  Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Planet Scathe
Posts: 9,783
Rep Power: 7
Reputation Total: 2273 | Re: Just to lower the standard again... Quote:
__________________ "defiantly a pork soared" -fletch "This is a discussion forum, not some sort of hippy poetry-reading commune" - TAFKADJ | |
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8th-January-2003, 01:20 PM
| #19 (permalink) |
| Senior Member  Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Manchester
Posts: 4,932
Rep Power: 5
Reputation Total: 958 | Deathwish Its Xmas at the North Pole and 3 strange characters are playing card poker. Intelligent Man, Intelligent Woman and Santa Claus are taking it very seriously, going #100 blind each round and downing copius amounts of vodka as an additional show of bravado ...... theres about #10,000 on the table as they all pass out .... and when they come to, ALL the money has been stolen So who stole it .... Intelligent Man, Intelligent woman or Santa Claus? (Answer to follow)
__________________ Perfectly Flawed |
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8th-January-2003, 01:25 PM
| #20 (permalink) | |
| Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2002
Posts: 2,130
Rep Power: 5
Reputation Total: 1417 | Re: Deathwish Quote:
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