Trying too Hard!

[Freya]

I was recently told that I was trying too hard to dance or follow! And that I should try and just go with the flow more!

I enjoy dancing and it has become a big part of my life! This comment follows a change in my attitude towards it! I want to be better, I want to keep improving, I have not peaked and I know I can be better. I also know it's a lot of work to do so!

So How can I improve without trying too hard? I do all the workshops and attend as many classes as I can afford to...Money and time wise! How can I remain relaxed while still working on not anticipating and really following what the lead is doing!

[Freudian Hips]

I have no idea what someone might mean by "trying too hard" - people should give more specific feedback if they want to be helpful. Having watched you dance a fair bit and had several marvellous dances with you, I don't know what was meant.

However, a while back I said to someone I wanted to get better at dance. Their response was something along the lines of "you can't be having fun if you're trying to get better." I disagree wholeheartedly with this. I think it is great to do something you find enjoyable and then find that, with a little bit of effort and application, you get better at it!!

Some people think you can't be "really" dancing or that you can't be having "fun" if you have any ambitions to improve. The only problem that might happen - I suppose - is that the desire to improve becomes greater than the fun element - and then what's the point?? However, in your case, I still see you having a whole heap of fun.
Ali xx

[Sheepman]

The only way that I can see this could be a valid comment is if you're focusing on trying to improve a particular element of your dancing, and while you're working on that, other things may not be working as well as they used to. The old "you have to get worse before you get better" syndrome.

But for most of us mortals, improvements do have to be worked at, and the results are nearly always worth the effort, so unless it's a comment that can be more specific, I wouldn't pay it much heed.

Greg

[David Bailey]

Originally Posted by Freya

I was recently told that I was trying too hard to dance or follow! And that I should try and just go with the flow more!

Another variation on that "helpful" advice of "just relax", huh?

Frankly, I'd ignore it, it doesn't sound like particularly smart advice to me, and un-sought advice is always annoying anyway.

[Freya]

Ok yes it was unsought advice and possibly another variation of the "Relax" advice!

However it's not a critisim that was unwanted! I was struggling to follow and finding it difficult and was told by a friend that I was trying too hard and that I should go woth the flow.

My question is how can I improve without trying too hard, by continuing to be relaxed and flowing!

At present I'm trying to focus on actually following, not anticipating and not backleading. I've stopped leading as much because I was starting to feel this was detrimental and found that some nights I was leading more than following due to gender imbalance.

[Magic Hans]

Originally Posted by Freudian Hips

I have no idea what someone might mean by "trying too hard" - people should give more specific feedback if they want to be helpful ...

I'd agree, with a minor exception.

My understanding of 'trying too hard', goes something like this.

When dancing with someone, and I feel a very High Level Of Tension, such that it restricts their hand moving (or mine for that matter), and a Furrowed(Ish) Brow or Other Sign Of Mental Concentration, I might suspect that Trying Too Hard might be going on.

Not that it's surprising at all. We've had threads on Dancers' Insecurities, and Being Turned Down, and Intimidation By Ability Or Reputation.

For 3-4 minutes, two people are having a Mildly Physically Intimate Experience, and so it's no wonder that some Stuff might go on for people.

I'd love to hear the Internal Dialogue when someone who has never danced, let alone with a partner, first faces someone they don't know in a MJ class.

I can only imagine, but what I can imagine is:
"I hope I don't make a mess of this"
"I hope (s)he doesn't make me look a fool"
"I hope that I don't make him/her look a fool"
"I hope (s)he likes me .... at least a little bit"
"I hope no-one's watching me"
"I hope I can pick up the beat"
"I hope I don't have spinach in my teeth"
"I hope (s)he doesn't get the wrong idea"


... and so it's no wonder that there's a tendency to Try To Over Impress every Once In A While.

Hope this makes sense .... and is helpful!!

[Little Monkey]

Originally Posted by Magic Hans

{snip} good points {/snip}

Agree with lots of that.

Sometimes when I dance with very good dancers, I do find that I try 'too hard'. I'm afraid that they won't like dancing with me, that I will miss a lead, spin badly, stumble, and generally make a mess of the dance. I then concentrate too much, don't relax properly, and hence end up doing all (or at least some) of the things I'm afraid of doing.

This also happens when I'm feeling a bit off colour.

My dancing is much better when I manage to relax and don't care about making mistakes, or don't concentrate too hard on all the things I know I need to improve in my dancing.

So yes, shoot me, but I am actually saying 'Just relax!' You do lots of workshops etc, but in the freestyles, just have fun and don't worry about what other people might think. Everyone's got ups and downs, and at times it can seem that progress is slow. But just keep dancing and have fun! You're a lovely dancer, anyway!

LM x

[Freya]

Originally Posted by Little Monkey

Sometimes when I dance with very good dancers, I do find that I try 'too hard'. I'm afraid that they won't like dancing with me, that I will miss a lead, spin badly, stumble, and generally make a mess of the dance. I then concentrate too much, don't relax properly, and hence end up doing all (or at least some) of the things I'm afraid of doing.

Thanx hun. This is what I really meant and I think was meant by the comment! I feel exactly the same and am doing so alot of the time at the moment!

Lots of good advice from Magic hans and LM! Thanx guys! I'll try and concentrate on things in class and workshops and then just chill and have fun in the freestyles!

[Lynn]

Originally Posted by Little Monkey

Sometimes when I dance with very good dancers, I do find that I try 'too hard'. I'm afraid that they won't like dancing with me, that I will miss a lead, spin badly, stumble, and generally make a mess of the dance. I then concentrate too much, don't relax properly, and hence end up doing all (or at least some) of the things I'm afraid of doing.

This also happens when I'm feeling a bit off colour.

My dancing is much better when I manage to relax and don't care about making mistakes, or don't concentrate too hard on all the things I know I need to improve in my dancing.

Yep. I was doing that in a dance with the tango teacher on Fri night - because the whole class was watching and I simply was too aware of making mistakes, I couldn't just relax and follow. Result? The teacher commented afterwards that I was anticipating at times. I actually have two modes I tend to be in for AT - thinking about all the things I need to think about - posture, connection, arm placement, balance, pivots etc, and the 'disengage mind and simply move with my partner'. I need to be in the former for classes and working on things, but the latter for social dancing. And sometimes I find it takes a few dances to make that transition.

I've done the same in MJ - most notably at a BFG, where I was thinking too much about all the things I'd been learning and trying to apply them that my following simply fell apart for an afternoon and I had disastrous dances with fabulous leads.

If you try to 'focus on following', strangely, this is sometimes what happens - you end up anticipating a little.

So maybe that's what your friend meant, Freya, about 'going with the flow' - simply not thinking as much, just feeling the music and the dance and letting the following just happen?

[Piglet]

Freya lots of good advice above - can't think of anything else constructive to add other than don't worry cos your my favourite female dancer - lots of fun and you have such groovy moves. I learn a lot from you alone xx

[Jhutch]

Originally Posted by DavidJames

un-sought advice is always annoying anyway.

I don't think it is, as long as it is done fairly diplomatically...

[Jamie]

I love dancing with you babe, you're a fab follow... I find you don't backlead or anticipate with me! It's probably because we're relaxed and having a good laugh! If you want to dance with the better dancers like guest teachers at big events, then do just that, give them a dance, don't go over board... I find it a much better dance when you just relax! I've had some ladys try too hard with me, and it just makes for a worse dance... Just relax and try to have fun! I think that's what your forgetting at the minute, to just have fun!

XXXXXXXXXXXX

[Gadget]

Recently we weren't dancing as well together as we have in the past; this I think was down to a couple of things:
- you're brilliant at improvising and finding 'spaces' within songs to play; I loosened my lead to the point where I was almost following rather than leading, so you were not getting led anything to work from as a follower.
- your improving as a follower; 'listening' to any subtle leads, not taking over unless given the opportunity, and I had eliminated most of the subtle bits and made the whole dance an invitation so you conldn't tell what was and was not.
I've started actually leading you again, so I hope we will dance better now

I think that there are only a handfull of followers who have as good a follow as you, and I don't think anyone reads body leads as well.

The way I aproach learning stuff is to play with it and concentrate in the classes, and perhaps add one or two minor things into my free-style. If I screw up whatever in free-style, I drop whatever, forget it and enjoy {untill the next dance }