Advice needed please!

[DianaS]

Originally Posted by Andy McGregor

No, in that previous life I invented CAMP - and it was stolen by a bunch of queens There's no reason on earth why you should be gay to be camp, but for some reason the two are linked. I say be proud to be camp, there's nothing wrong with liking musical theatre, admiring Kylie/Dietrich and dancing in a way that rubs your inner thighs together

Dwarling

[bigdjiver]

Originally Posted by jivecat

I suppose I see blues dancing as play-acting- I might be expressing something that's close to a sense of desire, but in an impersonal kind of way. As with any form of acting, it might be informed by genuine feelings or experience, but it's still essentially "not real". I hope that's clear (as mud).

The experience of physically and mentally sharing the music is, for me, what makes a wonderful dance; it is very powerful and is what makes dancing so pleasurable and addictive. Am I alone in thinking this?

But a dance is still just a dance.

If it starts to become "real" for me I change styles until that dance finishes, blowing the "connection". I then seek other partners. Apologies to those partners that have told me that "less is more", I knew that.

[DianaS]

Originally Posted by bigdjiver

If it starts to become "real" for me I change styles until that dance finishes, blowing the "connection". I then seek other partners. Apologies to those partners that have told me that "less is more", I knew that.

Yep thats me too! turn tail and run a mile

[Debster]

Fascinating subject, just had to chime in...

It's not just in blues, but I've always had a feeling that if a guy asks for a third dance he's unusually keen, and if he then asks for a fourth he wants more than a dance.

It's really interesting to hear that echoed here.

If feeling uneasy I would sheepishly escape from accepting dance number 4 by using the old "thanks but I really have to go to the bathroom" and disappear. (They tend to let you go pretty easily then) / Then find someone else quickly on the way back to the dance floor.

[DianaS]

Originally Posted by Debster

Fascinating subject, just had to chime in...

It's not just in blues, but I've always had a feeling that if a guy asks for a third dance he's unusually keen, and if he then asks for a fourth he wants more than a dance.

It's really interesting to hear that echoed here.

If feeling uneasy I would sheepishly escape from accepting dance number 4 by using the old "thanks but I really have to go to the bathroom" and disappear. (They tend to let you go pretty easily then) / Then find someone else quickly on the way back to the dance floor.

Some times I say "Here if you dance three times it means your MARRIED"
Then they run for over

[LMC]

Originally Posted by DianaS

Some times I say "Here if you dance three times it means your MARRIED"

Ah, so it was you I got that one from - thanks

Just some meanderings to demonstrate the dilemma further...

I landed a complete "stranger" for the DWAS at Walthamstow last night (never met/danced with him before, didn't even recognise him from elsewhere). He was obviously *very* excited about the prospect of doing a competition and was immediately very touchy-feely hands-on. But NOT in a sleazy way, and if it had been someone I knew better or even someone I had a better 'instant rapport' with then I would not have reacted in the way I did - which was that his constant 'patting' and enthusiasm were not welcome. I didn't say anything - as I am 100% certain that he didn't mean 'anything' by his behaviour, which was due purely to nervous excitement. I had to make a special effort to tell myself to be nice and not spoil the DWAS for him by being a miserable cow, as I'm sure he would have been mortified to think that what he meant as pure friendliness (and it definitely was just that) was not appreciated. So I did try to be pleasant, although I'm not sure how well I succeeded as I found it impossible to match his enthusiasm

I feel a bit mean for being slightly stand-offish last night. And angry with myself for being both hypocritical and indecisive. If the guy's patting my arms and constant hugging after introductions but before the comp were not not welcome, why did I have such an inability to say so? - possibly because I knew that there was no sexual intent, he was just on an adrenalin high - and the one and only nice bone in my body firmly told me not to spoil it for him. Plus it seems a bit silly to say "for goodness sake, stop touching me!" when dancing is a contact sport.

The point is that what's acceptable behaviour from some people is not acceptable from others - and that doesn't necessarily have anything to do with how well you know them. Yes, it's personal. Yes, it's different for every partner. And why the hell shouldn't it be?

I'm getting very tired of the culture that we should treat all partners equally and not say no to anybody. After a bad week's dancing, I'm getting to the point where I don't want to ask people I don't know to dance, because if I have asked them, it makes it more difficult to ask them to behave differently (it shouldn't, but it does).

[Lynn]

Originally Posted by LMC

The point is that what's acceptable behaviour from some people is not acceptable from others - and that doesn't necessarily have anything to do with how well you know them. Yes, it's personal. Yes, it's different for every partner. And why the hell shouldn't it be?

Almost every aspect is variable for me. The level of closeness I am comfortable with, the way I respond, the amount I play - it all depends on how I feel with that partner. (The only real constant would be that I think I smile at some point in every dance.) And as far as I am concerned thats a Good Thing as it gives a uniqueness to each partnership and for me at least, enriches the dance experience.

[senorita]

Originally Posted by Andy McGregor

dance with me, I'm married too*.

*which may come as a surprise to the people who think I'm gay