Another etiquette question

[Itsybitsy]

Is it rude to refuse a second dance straight after the first?
That's the question really. A situation occured with a man asking ladies to dance (fine) but at the end of every dance he asked for another, and then another, I saw one lady dance with him 5 times in a row. The mantra "never refuse" is good, but just how polite do you need to be?

Itsybitsy

[stairman]

I dont think it rude to ask for a second dance but its also not rude to refuse a second dance

[Double Trouble]

Some people will ask you for a second dance and I think it's right to say yes...unless the person asking is absolutely useless, stinks or is hurting you.

After the second one, I think its fine to say no if they ask for a third, unless you want to of course.

[Little Monkey]

Why should you do a second dance with someone if you don't enjoy it?

However, I'd normally just say no if: I really don't enjoy dancing with him/he smells/he's sleazy/he's a yanker/he's absolutely drenched in sweat, or if I've promised someone the next dance.

Sometimes I actually need a break, too!

[Andy McGregor]

I think that for the first dance it is polite to say "yes". After that you've fulfilled your obligation and should only dance more if you actually enjoyed the first dance. If you'd rather not dance a second time with somebody you shouldn't have to. My advice would be to thank them for the first dance and make some excuse. I usually say that there's loads of women I need to get around and am only dancing with everybody once - it helps that this is usually true.

[MartinHarper]

Originally Posted by stairman

I dont think it rude to ask for a second dance but its also not rude to refuse a second dance

Yep. Lots of polite ways to turn down a second dance. It doesn't give the same negative vibe as turning down a first dance.

[StokeBloke]

Easiest way is to say you need to grab a quick drink/whatever and maybe you'll find them later for another one. Smile. Spin on heels... exit dance floor for a drink/whatever. There's no need to be, or sound rude

[Twirlie Bird]

Like everyone else has said you should only agree to a second dance if you enjoyed the first.

Being asked for a second dance is a huge compliment. The first dance was obviously enjoyable enough to want a second. Thinking along these lines I guess being turned down for a second dance could be seen as a real insult though.

Good question.

[frodo]

Originally Posted by StokeBloke

Easiest way is to say you need to grab a quick drink/whatever and maybe you'll find them later for another one. Smile. Spin on heels... exit dance floor for a drink/whatever. There's no need to be, or sound rude

I think it is harder to find a face saving way to turn down a second dance.

Also etiquette doesn't demand it - given the say yes culture is based on it being only a 3 minute thing etc.

I'm sometimes tempted to ask for a second dance just to find out what the lady really thought of it - it wouldn't be good for her to feel the need to find an excuse though ( other than not right now ).

[Martin]

Originally Posted by Itsybitsy

Is it rude to refuse a second dance straight after the first?
That's the question really. A situation occured with a man asking ladies to dance (fine) but at the end of every dance he asked for another, and then another, I saw one lady dance with him 5 times in a row. The mantra "never refuse" is good, but just how polite do you need to be?

Itsybitsy

Not rude at all.

I either say "thank you for the dance" and lead them off the floor, or I say, "would you like another dance"? Then up to them to say "maybe later", "no" or some other reply which is all fine.

The important thing to note, is that having a dance to just one track does not necc mean they think you are a bad dancer, they might just want one dance with you...

I often only have one track dance, but then I don't do a lot of fancy moves, so I don't want them to get bored

[Martin]

Originally Posted by Andy McGregor

I think that for the first dance it is polite to say "yes". After that you've fulfilled your obligation and should only dance more if you actually enjoyed the first dance.

This one did not sit comfortably with me... maybe due to the language used.

As a paying customer I am under no obligation...

Happy to dance with first timers, beginners and of course the more advanced, but would hate to pay money to go out for the evening and feel obligated

Maybe an old chestnut, and been talked about, but I am not obligated, just coz I turn up and pay money.

I have social skills, so I will talk to people and I will dance with people, one thing I will not do is "feel obligated".

[ducasi]

Originally Posted by stairman

I dont think it rude to ask for a second dance but its also not rude to refuse a second dance

I get really annoyed at dancer who "hog". When there's any possibility of someone wanting to dance with your current partner, I think it's rude to keep someone to yourself for more than maybe 3 or 4 dances, unless you truly are partners in a stronger sense of the word.

[Lory]

Originally Posted by ducasi

I get really annoyed at dancers who "hog". When there's any possibility of someone wanting to dance with your current partner, I think it's rude to keep someone to yourself for more than maybe 3 or 4 dances,

I don't really agree..

I can think of a couple of times recently, when I've met up with a dancer I like but don't/won't get to see very often and its clear both of us want to make the most of the limited time we have to dance with each other, so we may have had several in a row..

I'm with Martin, if you've paid your money, its up to you and your partner what you do. There's no real obligation to make yourself available to anyone and everyone all the time.

[Gadget]

Originally Posted by Martin

Maybe an old chestnut, and been talked about, but I am not obligated, just coz I turn up and pay money.

I have social skills, so I will talk to people and I will dance with people, one thing I will not do is "feel obligated".

Old argument, but it still bugs me...

So you don't have to follow the social ettequete and social rules of the venue/scene because you've paid your money to be there?
Is that not akin to making phone calls in the cinema on your mobile? Or jumping to the head of a queue at the bar? Walking accross the floor with drinks in hand? standing in the middle of the dance floor chatting with people?

[StokeBloke]

Originally Posted by Lory

I don't really agree..

I can think of a couple of times recently, when I've met up with a dancer I like but don't/won't get to see very often and its clear both of us want to make the most of the limited time we have to dance with each other, so we may have had several in a row..

I'm with Martin, if you've paid your money, its up to you and your partner what you do. There's no real obligation to make yourself available to anyone and everyone all the time.

Sometimes you get to dancing with someone and you just hit that 'sweet spot'. Connection and playfulness... marvelous... why should either of you feel obliged to quit before you're ready in case someone may be hoping to get a dance with one of you? What a strange concept

[nebula]

Originally Posted by Little Monkey

Sometimes I actually need a break, too!

NOOOO... Really?
But all the rest . If you have enjoyed the dance, ask for a second dance yourself. And if you and your partner really, really enjoyed the dance, you can always linger for 3rd , 4th, etc...

[stairman]

Originally Posted by Gadget

Old argument, but it still bugs me...

So you don't have to follow the social ettequete and social rules of the venue/scene because you've paid your money to be there?
Is that not akin to making phone calls in the cinema on your mobile? Or jumping to the head of a queue at the bar? Walking accross the floor with drinks in hand? standing in the middle of the dance floor chatting with people?

[under par]

I have heard it said from some dancers more long in the tooth (and others from different parts of the country) that the 2nd dance was the norm some time ago and in some places.

It is now more established norm to have just the one.

I have found that I often prefer to have 2 dances in a row at some venues recently.

It is often my wish to have a second dance later but the logistics of catching up with everyone for a subsequent second dance means it rarely happens.
So to help prevent that feeling of failure I now sometimes grab that 2nd dance straight away.

It also makes sure that request "Can we have another dance later??", does not seem hollow and a fob off.
It might do if you don't get around to dancing with all the people you said it to as often happens.

This post may cause me problems itself if I go to an event and only dance once with everyone... cos they'll all wonder why!

You can't win

Live and let dance

[Andy McGregor]

Originally Posted by Martin

This one did not sit comfortably with me... maybe due to the language used.

As a paying customer I am under no obligation...

Happy to dance with first timers, beginners and of course the more advanced, but would hate to pay money to go out for the evening and feel obligated

Maybe an old chestnut, and been talked about, but I am not obligated, just coz I turn up and pay money.

I have social skills, so I will talk to people and I will dance with people, one thing I will not do is "feel obligated".

You have accepted the offer of a dance. Therefore you are "obliged" by that acceptance to actually dance with the person you have agreed to dance with. After that you've done what you agreed and need to consider a new agreement. And you may choose not to agree.

[David Bailey]

Originally Posted by under par

I have heard it said from some dancers more long in the tooth (and others from different parts of the country) that the 2nd dance was the norm some time ago and in some places.

That's the way I remember it, yes. Of course, I could just be having a senior moment, you know how it is with us old types...