Shy? Silly? Have a point?

[Indo]

Hi y'all.

Haven't been on this chat forum for a while (coming up to a couple of years now!).

Anyway, the reason that I have out of the scene for so long is that I have found a lovely girl outwith the area. I started dancing a few years back not just to have fun and socialise but also to see if their were any single ladies out there as well.

Now I've decided to try and get back into it because it's something I've always promised myself to do. The only difference is that now I'm a little bit inhibited asking girls for a dance because I'm not single anymore - before it was a case of the more girlies the better!!

I thought I was daft by thinking this but apparantly I've spoken to a couple of other guys in the same situation! Don't get me wrong I love the dancing bit but probably just need time to get used to this. Am I barmy by thinking this?????

[TheTramp]

Originally posted by Indo
Am I barmy by thinking this?????

Yes. It's only dancing. At the end of the day, you're just here for fun, friendship and exercise. If there's anything further than that, it's nothing to do with the dancing, and anyone who feels that way, would feel that way, no matter what they were doing.

Without wishing to be seen as being critical in any way, it's probably your mindset that needs to change. Ie, you are there for the above reasons, not just to meet (pick up) women.

Welcome back to both the forum, and to dancing though

Trampy

[Jayne]

Originally posted by Indo
Now I've decided to try and get back into it because it's something I've always promised myself to do. The only difference is that now I'm a little bit inhibited asking girls for a dance because I'm not single anymore - before it was a case of the more girlies the better!!

I am *so* trying not to climb onto my soap box....

..please tell me that I've read this (and what's between the lines) wrong.

J

[Gadget]

I think that it depends on if she is accompanying you; I know that if my wife was with me it would have a dampening effect on some of the moves I would normally do. (she dosn't dance )
I don't think that it would change my dancing partners though: I dance with everyone and anyone - physical "beauty" is irrelative on the dance floor. {with a few exceptions }

I'm sure that Rachel raised some good (relative) points in a similar debate a while back, but I can't remember what the thread was.

Jayne: Just because you look out for and dance with lots of partners does not automatically put you into the slease cattegory. (or am I reading your mind wrong?) The motivation may have changed to go dancing, but the actual dancing it's self shouldn't change.

[Jayne]

Originally posted by TheTramp
it's probably your mindset that needs to change

You read it the same way as me...

J

[TheTramp]

Originally posted by Jayne
..please tell me that I've read this (and what's between the lines) wrong.

You've read this (and what's between the lines) wrong.

Anything to oblige!!

Trampy

[Jayne]

Originally posted by TheTramp
You've read this (and what's between the lines) wrong.

errrmm...

J

[TheTramp]

Originally posted by Jayne
You read it the same way as me...

Okie. So you didn't really. Cos else I'd be wrong too!!

Trampy

[TheTramp]

Originally posted by Gadget
I think that it depends on if she is accompanying you; I know that if my wife was with me it would have a dampening effect on some of the moves I would normally do. (she dosn't dance )

To be honest (and maybe this is where I've been going wrong!!), I don't see why this would make a difference.

If you're going to do naughty things, then you're going to do naughty things. And you've probably got far more opportunity when she's not there watching you (and when you're not dancing), than doing a few blues (I can't call them UCP) moves on the dancefloor.

Trampy

[Gadget]

Originally posted by TheTramp
To be honest (and maybe this is where I've been going wrong!!), I don't see why this would make a difference.

It's not what I am doing, it's what she would perceve me doing that's the difference: She dosn't dance - how can she understand the 'feel' of the music and the three minuite romance on the floor? It is not worth the hastle and greif of subjecting her {and her imagination} to displays of that nature.

If she danced, then not a problem - it would not alter my dancing in the slightest. Perhaps all of your 'partners' have danced / do dance.

[Jooles]

Am I being dim?

What possible difference does it make whether you are single or not.

[Indo]

Thanks Trampy

Think I've started something here, it's nothing to do with being 'naughty'etc. I've just being feeling uncomfortable since I've went back, which actually surprised me!

You're probably correct about changing the mind-set, these things only take a matter of time to adjust. To me people probably go to Ceroc for a different variety of reasons, as long as they know where the line is drawn I deem them all to be acceptable.

Jayne

If I've done something wrong for you to climb up on that soapbox of yours please tell. As Trampy said people go to Ceroc for exercise, socialising, fun etc. I though this is what I was doing all along?? Failed to notice a 'no flirting' clause when I buy my ticket at the door!

P.S Maybe easier to write the actual lines written than to look inbetween them??

[bigdjiver]

Originally posted by Indo
Hi y'all.

Haven't been on this chat forum for a while (coming up to a couple of years now!).

Anyway, the reason that I have out of the scene for so long is that I have found a lovely girl outwith the area. I started dancing a few years back not just to have fun and socialise but also to see if their were any single ladies out there as well.

Now I've decided to try and get back into it because it's something I've always promised myself to do. The only difference is that now I'm a little bit inhibited asking girls for a dance because I'm not single anymore - before it was a case of the more girlies the better!!

I thought I was daft by thinking this but apparantly I've spoken to a couple of other guys in the same situation! Don't get me wrong I love the dancing bit but probably just need time to get used to this. Am I barmy by thinking this?????

If you are just there for the dancing, many attached folk have a one/two dance per partner per week rule.

[TheTramp]

Originally posted by Gadget
It's not what I am doing, it's what she would perceve me doing that's the difference: She dosn't dance - how can she understand the 'feel' of the music and the three minuite romance on the floor? It is not worth the hastle and greif of subjecting her {and her imagination} to displays of that nature.

Okie. Fair point. Guess you need to get her dancing then!!

Trampy

[ChrisA]

Originally posted by Gadget
It's not what I am doing, it's what she would perceve me doing that's the difference:

I sooooooooo don't get this...

So you presumably haven't told her that you dance UCP moves with people, and if she saw you she'd think you were trying to get off with someone, despite your protestations to the contrary...

... and if she was there it would cramp your style.

Blimey.....


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What sort of dancing does she think you're doing, then? Morris????

[Gadget]

Originally posted by ChrisA
minefield alert
minefield alert

Why do you think I'm quite happy to go dancing on my ownsome? She would spoil all my fun

I've actually been asked a few times where my wife was... "the one I saw you dancing with last week..."

[DavidB]

I've lost count of the number of times I've explained a typical Modern Jive night, and it is dancing with so many different partners that I have to explain most. The usual comment is "No way I would let some other man/woman dance with my partner!" For most people who don't dance, or equate dancing with nightclubs, then 'asking someone to dance' usually means you are hoping for far more than just a dance.

The easiest solution would be to get your partner to start dancing. Even if she doesn't take it up, then she will hopefully see that it is harmless fun. If you know another couple who dance, then go with them. Hearing an explanation from one person can sound like an excuse. Hearing it from several people makes it sound more valid.

David

[Bardsey]

Originally posted by DavidB
I've lost count of the number of times I've explained a typical Modern Jive night, and it is dancing with so many different partners that I have to explain most.

The easiest solution would be to get your partner to start dancing. Even if she doesn't take it up, then she will hopefully see that it is harmless fun. If you know another couple who dance, then go with them. Hearing an explanation from one person can sound like an excuse. Hearing it from several people makes it sound more valid.

David

Spoken like a true Yorkshireman David, succinct and to the point!

[ChrisA]

Originally posted by TheTramp
Yes. It's only dancing. At the end of the day, you're just here for fun, friendship and exercise.

Originally posted by DavidB
Even if she doesn't take it up, then she will hopefully see that it is harmless fun.

Fun?
.......... absolutely.

Harmless?
.......... certainly should be.

Boundaried and respectful?
.......... well I am

But if it wasn't for the dancers of the opposite sex, I would get my fun, friendship and exercise elsewhere. Am I alone in this? I doubt it somehow...

So let's not be too superficial in our analysis.

Chris

[foxylady]

Originally posted by Indo


Failed to notice a 'no flirting' clause when I buy my ticket at the door!

'no flirting' !! If I didn't flirt I might as well put on my slippers, and take up knitting. Sheesh !

(I have a partner - who doesn't dance -, and I'll flirt with anyone as long as they are not sleazy no matter what their 'relationship' status... I find it completely incomprehensible when people change their behaviour when their partner is watching. The only explanation can be that they have something other than good clean fun in mind... )_