Would you mind

Andreas · 6th-September-2004, 03:15 PM

if I have a dance with your partner?

What do you think of that one? PARTNER in this case just refers to the person you are dancing with or have gone to a dance with, whatever.

**Chicklet** · 6th-September-2004, 03:56 PM

Like most things in life, it really depends on who said it and how they said it, the words certainly aren't offensive in themselves.

I have often used this phrase when approaching a "couple" who are either in the middle of a conversation or just off the dance floor or, possibly thinking about heading there but haven't actually made it.

It's actually quite a subtle (or possibly just terribly British) way of saying, "I think I'm interrupting here but the night is short and I'm going to do it anyway but I'm not doing it out of badness or rudeness, I genuinely would like a dance with this person but I'm acknowledging that you "had em" first"

baldrick · 6th-September-2004, 04:00 PM

Last time I interrupted a couple chatting it was with
"Excuse me but could I steal you away for a dance"
Nobody objected, but I was ready for a rejection.

Andreas · 6th-September-2004, 04:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chicklet

"but I'm acknowledging that you "had em" first"

That is exactly the problem. The question, directed to the other person rather than the person you want to dance with implies possession. So, while it may be polite to the other person, it is rude towards the person you want to dance with. After all, you are giving the impression that the person you'd like to dance with cannot or is not allowed to make that decision.

I know, I have been told by girls that this is a female way of 'non-intrusiveness'. Can't speak for guys, haven't witnessed it.

So really, the possession part of it is rather disturbing, don't you think?

Andreas · 6th-September-2004, 04:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by baldrick

Last time I interrupted a couple chatting it was with
"Excuse me but could I steal you away for a dance"
Nobody objected, but I was ready for a rejection.

**Chicklet** · 6th-September-2004, 04:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Andreas

So really, the possession part of it is rather disturbing, don't you think?

No, honestly, quite the opposite,.... and I never said that I didn't THEN ask the man if I may have the pleasure - (and yes I do speak like that, and there are plenty of chaps on here who can confirm that more often than not those are the exact words I would use).

Perhaps also we are particularly lucky in Scotland in that many of the regulars know each other quite well and would always take such things in the positive, friendly (and in all honesty really quite tongue in cheek usually) spirit intended.

We are always telling new folk to be sure and dance with as many people as possible by circulating the room and asking as many people as possible...and this kind of thing has developed as a way of neutralising the perceived rudeness of the "interruption" action and IMHO should not be discouraged.

Anyone asked "may I borrow this lovely (wo)man for a dance" *smile* and at a loss for words can easily answer "ooh better ask him if he's free" *smile back*.

There's nothing disturbing in that.

*Andy McGregor* · 6th-September-2004, 04:46 PM

I'm quite brazen on this front. If someone has come to a dance, has paid to get in to a dance and is standing/sitting next to the dance floor I consider they're fair game for an offer of a dance. Maybe I'm insensitive but I never consider asking the person they're with if they mind. IMHO it's up to the person you've asked if they want to dance with you. The person you've asked might consider asking the person they're with if they mind - I've had this happen a few times and, thankfully, they've always responded positively.

So, if you ever see me chatting at the side of the dance floor feel free to ask me for a dance - you could ask whoever I'm talking to, but I'd prefer it if you asked me

Andreas · 6th-September-2004, 05:00 PM

I usually ask the ladies for a dance and then politely excuse us when we walk on the floor.

**Gadget** · 6th-September-2004, 05:31 PM

I think I always ask the lady to dance, no matter what company she is in or what she is doing; I also leave it up to her to wrap up any conversation (assuming she accepts my smile and offer of a hand as invitation.)

If her back is to me I will touch her shoulder first, but I assume that she will make her own excuses with the company she is in.

(I'm not a very vocal person; dancing is tactile and expressive with lots of physical signals and body language - who needs to talk in such a dinn?

)

MartinHarper · 6th-September-2004, 06:39 PM

Quote:

the possession part of it is rather disturbing, don't you think?

Some of them want to possess you... some of them want to be possessed...
(+guitar solo to taste)

Andreas · 6th-September-2004, 07:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MartinHarper

Some of them want to possess you... some of them want to be possessed...
(+guitar solo to taste)

sounds remotely like Annie Lennox

**Stuart M** · 6th-September-2004, 08:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MartinHarper

Some of them want to possess you... some of them want to be possessed...
(+guitar solo to taste)

Guitar solos in a Eurythmics song? Name one...

On topic: if a couple goes dancing at Modern Jive they have to expect to dance with other people, I think. Therefore if they want to have "quality time" with each other they should stay well away from the dancefloor. No?

PS Just thought of one and it's a good (and much under-used) MJ track: "I Need a Man"...

**drathzel** · 6th-September-2004, 08:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stuart M

"I Need a Man"...

Dont we all

Andreas · 6th-September-2004, 08:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drathzel

Dont we all

NO!!

Andreas · 6th-September-2004, 08:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stuart M

On topic: if a couple goes dancing at Modern Jive they have to expect to dance with other people, I think. Therefore if they want to have "quality time" with each other they should stay well away from the dancefloor. No?

I agree with that IF they are off the floor. If I go out with somebody and we both stay on the floor for obvious reason of wanting to dance with each other then NO, it cannot be expected.

**drathzel** · 6th-September-2004, 09:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Andreas

I agree with that IF they are off the floor. If I go out with somebody and we both stay on the floor for obvious reason of wanting to dance with each other then NO, it cannot be expected.

I can see both sides... its nice dance with those you know and are close to... however i feel that you go to these classes to enjoy the dance and you can gain valuable experience dancing with different people

Andreas · 6th-September-2004, 09:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drathzel

I can see both sides... its nice dance with those you know and are close to... however i feel that you go to these classes to enjoy the dance and you can gain valuable experience dancing with different people

Couldn't it be that you go there because it is a nice venue to dance. No smoke, no alcohol, no lurkers ...

**drathzel** · 6th-September-2004, 09:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Andreas

Couldn't it be that you go there because it is a nice venue to dance. No smoke, no alcohol, no lurkers ...

yeah that too but its also good to dance with different people and get to know new people

Andreas · 6th-September-2004, 09:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drathzel

yeah that too but its also good to dance with different people and get to know new people

That is too true. One of the reasons why I like to go different places and mostly alone.

But you cannot always assume that is the case

**drathzel** · 6th-September-2004, 09:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Andreas

That is too true. One of the reasons why I like to go different places and mostly alone.

But you cannot always assume that is the case

which is why i know that if i had a man i would feel the same but as i dont i like to share... although i suppose i would share my man or can i only say that cuz i dont got one

6th-September-2004, 03:15 PM	#1 (permalink)
Andreas Registered User Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: London Posts: 1,225 Rep Power: 2 Reputation Total: 500	Would you mind if I have a dance with your partner? What do you think of that one? PARTNER in this case just refers to the person you are dancing with or have gone to a dance with, whatever.

6th-September-2004, 03:56 PM	#2 (permalink)
Chicklet Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Glasgow Posts: 2,430 Rep Power: 3 Reputation Total: 407	Re: Would you mind Like most things in life, it really depends on who said it and how they said it, the words certainly aren't offensive in themselves. I have often used this phrase when approaching a "couple" who are either in the middle of a conversation or just off the dance floor or, possibly thinking about heading there but haven't actually made it. It's actually quite a subtle (or possibly just terribly British) way of saying, "I think I'm interrupting here but the night is short and I'm going to do it anyway but I'm not doing it out of badness or rudeness, I genuinely would like a dance with this person but I'm acknowledging that you "had em" first"

6th-September-2004, 04:00 PM	#3 (permalink)
baldrick Registered User Join Date: May 2004 Location: Kirkintilloch Posts: 815 Rep Power: 3 Reputation Total: 46	Re: Would you mind Last time I interrupted a couple chatting it was with "Excuse me but could I steal you away for a dance" Nobody objected, but I was ready for a rejection.

6th-September-2004, 04:46 PM	#7 (permalink)
Andy McGregor Commercial Operator Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Sussex by the Sea Posts: 7,147 Rep Power: 5 Reputation Total: 1570	Re: Would you mind I'm quite brazen on this front. If someone has come to a dance, has paid to get in to a dance and is standing/sitting next to the dance floor I consider they're fair game for an offer of a dance. Maybe I'm insensitive but I never consider asking the person they're with if they mind. IMHO it's up to the person you've asked if they want to dance with you. The person you've asked might consider asking the person they're with if they mind - I've had this happen a few times and, thankfully, they've always responded positively. So, if you ever see me chatting at the side of the dance floor feel free to ask me for a dance - you could ask whoever I'm talking to, but I'd prefer it if you asked me __________________ “Any fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius-and a lot of courage-to move in the opposite direction.” Albert Einstein

6th-September-2004, 05:00 PM	#8 (permalink)
Andreas Registered User Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: London Posts: 1,225 Rep Power: 2 Reputation Total: 500	Re: Would you mind I usually ask the ladies for a dance and then politely excuse us when we walk on the floor.

6th-September-2004, 05:31 PM	#9 (permalink)
Gadget Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Cruden Bay (Aberdeen) Posts: 6,078 Rep Power: 5 Reputation Total: 1516	Re: Would you mind I think I always ask the lady to dance, no matter what company she is in or what she is doing; I also leave it up to her to wrap up any conversation (assuming she accepts my smile and offer of a hand as invitation.) If her back is to me I will touch her shoulder first, but I assume that she will make her own excuses with the company she is in. (I'm not a very vocal person; dancing is tactile and expressive with lots of physical signals and body language - who needs to talk in such a dinn? ) __________________ I used to be an angel, you know with halo and those wings; Now that i'm a devil, my mind's on other things... My feathers turned to ash, and my harp has broke in two; I took uppon myself, to have a dance with you... ¤ TheEvolutionOfMJ ¤ SensualDancing ¤ TechniquesOfLeading ¤ MarkOfaGoodTeacher ¤ Style ¤ Moves,moves,moves ¤ MoveMap ¤ DanceingTest ¤ DanceFloorSlease ¤

Support the forum, remove Adverts and upgrade your Forum experience Become a Silver Member Sponsored Links
Ceroc Scotland Forum Advertisement