How many dances in a night make it 'a night'?

**Gadget** · 13th-February-2005, 08:26 PM

{Duplicated from another thread...}

Quote:

Originally Posted by drathzel

I'm sorry but most of the time you dont even get 50% I know there has been times i have only got one in three dances!!!

This leads to a question:

How many dances make a night 'worth it'? or just "make a night"? Is it the quantity? Or would one dance with a 'god' be worth sitting the last eight out?

**Gadget** · 13th-February-2005, 08:31 PM

{from a PM}

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lorry

The (1) dance with a dance God is only worth 'something' if I feel he's enjoyed it too,

if I get the feeling he's 'doing me a favour',

'just being polite'

or just going through the motions,

then that can make me feel worse than no dances at all!
But a night FULL of

dances is probably just as bad!

your so lucky being a man!

Scotch Bonnet · 13th-February-2005, 08:32 PM

It's definitely the quality this time not the quantity !!But then one has to speculate to accumulate,you never know how good they might turn out to be after a few weeks!!

Little Monkey · 13th-February-2005, 08:36 PM

QUALITY!!!! But that doesn't mean I'm happy with just ONE good dance, and then sit and watch for the rest of the evening..... But I'd rather have a few good dances and then a few breaks, than dance all night with people I don't enjoy dancing with....

Demanding Monkey

DaveD · 13th-February-2005, 09:12 PM

Quality is the thing, definitely, but quality comes in different forms. For example I occasionally get to visit other venues as my work takes me to London and rather than spend the night sitting in a hotel room watching TV, I search out an MJ night.

Being a new face in a venue causes a certain look when you ask a lady for a dance. Its a great buzz when the expression changes from cautious and uncertain to the smile that says "hey this isn't as bad as I thought it would be" ... even better when she asks you for another dance

Daisy Chain · 13th-February-2005, 09:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gadget

{Duplicated from another thread...}

This leads to a question:

How many dances make a night 'worth it'? or just "make a night"? Is it the quantity? Or would one dance with a 'god' be worth sitting the last eight out?

Some nights, I have to do all the asking. I find that very depressing and slink out early wondering what's wrong with me

Does this depress any other wallflowers?

Daisy

(A Depressed Little Wall Flower)

**foxylady** · 13th-February-2005, 09:26 PM

I have a sort of rule of thumb which makes or breaks a night. I'm not exactly a shy wallflower, but I find it uncomfortable if I spend the whole evening having to ask, I do like to be asked too...

So my sort of 'rule' is that if there are over 7, say, men I know well

and enjoy dancing with and don't give a monkeys about whether they ask me or I ask them, then I feel able to ask complete strangers and dance every dance. But if there aren't many men who fall into that category, I feel very awkward asking strangers and usually end up having a cr*p night.

I admit its a bit weird. Why should it make a difference? It's only that I know I get at least 'n' (=>7) good dances ! But somehow it does... by boosting my confidence and then that carries me through....

Go figure...

Andreas · 13th-February-2005, 09:47 PM

If I have a good time I am sitting out no more than five or six dances all night.

**Northants Girly** · 13th-February-2005, 10:07 PM

Some nights I don't mind sitting out a little - it depends on what sort of a day I've had, how my dodgy ankle is feeling etc etc And sometimes I like sitting out so that I can watch others dancing and pick up some tips or decide who I'm going to ask to dance next!

[quote=Daisy Chain]Some nights, I have to do all the asking. I find that very depressing and slink out early wondering what's wrong with me

Does this depress any other wallflowers?[quote]

It's not the same if you feel you have done all the asking all night.

A tip I have for occaisions when you are at a new venue and don't know many people is to ask one of the ladies there for recommendations on which guys to ask for a dance - in my experience they are always more than happy to supply you with a list!

TheTramp · 13th-February-2005, 10:21 PM

I dance all night most nights. And they're always quality dances. For me at least

**Trousers** · 13th-February-2005, 10:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scotch Bonnet

It's definitely the quality this time not the quantity !!But then one has to speculate to accumulate,you never know how good they might turn out to be after a few weeks!!

Totallllllllly agree with ya Bonnet.

If I go to a venue and get one dance where the hairs go up on the back of my neck and as my partner and I dance the world shrinks down to a little ball of music containing two people and a dance - well following that I may as well go home. That dance would make my evening.

So quality not quantity here.

Clive Long · 13th-February-2005, 11:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Daisy Chain

Some nights, I have to do all the asking. I find that very depressing and slink out early wondering what's wrong with me

Does this depress any other wallflowers?

Daisy

(A Depressed Little Wall Flower)

I think this comment is on topic - or at least is a response to DC.

I'm guessing I dance with between 10 and 20 women in one night - I was thinking of a thread asking what is an acceptable number of dances with your partner - one, two, more - but somehow I feel that's a bit of a tasteless question. Why so many dances but only one each - because I feel I am a scarce resource as a male dancer and want to help make something of someone else's evening. Is that conceited? God knows.

I would like quality but rarely get it - due ENTIRELY to my short-comings as a dancer, rather than the really amazing female dancers I have the good luck to dance with in London. So I go for quantity.

RE Daisy Chain - I very rarely refuse a request from a lady for a dance.
I got refused at Tango tonight - and it was practice not "social" - so I thought "stuff you" - plenty others want to learn.

This is definitely off-topic : I don't know how ladies can bear to stand around the dance floor waiting, hoping to get picked, like for the rounders team at school. I wouldn't have the patience in such a situation. I would storm home in a sulk and given up MJ years ago if I had to wait. The few times I have been to an MJ event where there have been excess men I have to resist the urge to leave - how adolescent

As far this male/female ratio is concerned, us guys have it too easy and don't realise how fortunate we are.
I'm not excluding same sex couples here but it is too late at night to construct a non-sexist argument.

CRL

**Lynn** · 13th-February-2005, 11:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by foxylady

I have a sort of rule of thumb which makes or breaks a night. I'm not exactly a shy wallflower, but I find it uncomfortable if I spend the whole evening having to ask, I do like to be asked too...

Well, I could use the excuse that most were strangers, but I only asked one man for a dance at Scarborough over the whole weekend

(as a song came on that I wanted to dance to, I stood up and asked a guy nearby, and a very nice dance it was too!). Its not just a case of being shy, more not being confident but rather thinking, 'there are lots of other much better dancers here' that this guy would prefer to dance with'. I did get plenty of dances, I wasn't sitting getting frustrated that I wasn't dancing enough, but then I also enjoy and learn from watching. I'll ask more next time.

bigdjiver · 14th-February-2005, 12:26 AM

I have come across too many men that think "I am not good enough", and just watch for that reason. There are still some ladies I will not ask for that reason.
I dance every track I can, and sometimes think I am sacrificing quality for quantity, but, if there is a partner available, I cannot resist.

**drathzel** · 14th-February-2005, 12:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Daisy Chain

Some nights, I have to do all the asking. I find that very depressing and slink out early wondering what's wrong with me

Does this depress any other wallflowers?

Daisy

(A Depressed Little Wall Flower)

Little flower

I am in the exact same position as you! I feel that i do all the asking (on occasions i have been asked) especialy with people i really want to dance with! Why is this? Men?

Dx

**Banana Man** · 14th-February-2005, 12:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by foxylady

............I'm not exactly a shy wallflower, .....

Quote:

Originally Posted by foxylady

.........I admit its a bit weird. Why should it make a difference? It's only that I know I get at least 'n' (=>7) good dances ! But somehow it does... by boosting my confidence and then that carries me through....Go figure...

If I'm at a new venue or somewhere I don't go often, I try to find someone I already know or vaguely recognise for the first few dances, then I'm not asking strangers completely cold.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaveD

Being a new face in a venue causes a certain look when you ask a lady for a dance. Its a great buzz when the expression changes from cautious and uncertain to the smile that says "hey this isn't as bad as I thought it would be" ... even better when she asks you for another dance

Went to Godalming tonight for the first time, missed the early freestyle and jumped straight into Rob and Debbie's class

. Although I went with someone, I knew no-one else, but doing the class meant I met lots of great new people, and got to dance with almost all of them in the freestyle after. Some I asked, some asked me. Guess you've got to make an effort although maybe it's a lot easier on a class night than at a freestyle only event.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trousers

If I go to a venue and get one dance where the hairs go up on the back of my neck and as my partner and I dance the world shrinks down to a little ball of music containing two people and a dance - well following that I may as well go home. That dance would make my evening.

Consider myself very lucky to have that happen twice last night.

Set me up for the week that did.

**drathzel** · 14th-February-2005, 01:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clive Long

RE Daisy Chain - I very rarely refuse a request from a lady for a dance.
I got refused at Tango tonight - and it was practice not "social" - so I thought "stuff you" - plenty others want to learn.

This is definitely off-topic : I don't know how ladies can bear to stand around the dance floor waiting, hoping to get picked, like for the rounders team at school. I wouldn't have the patience in such a situation. I would storm home in a sulk and given up MJ years ago if I had to wait. The few times I have been to an MJ event where there have been excess men I have to resist the urge to leave - how adolescent

As far this male/female ratio is concerned, us guys have it too easy and don't realise how fortunate we are.
I'm not excluding same sex couples here but it is too late at night to construct a non-sexist argument.

CRL

I really dont enjoy the standing around and normally while doing so i am A)chatting or B) trying to stake out my next partner.

I have seen women (and have done so myself) run across dance floors to get a partner.... is this was we are reeduced to, fighting and begging for dances.... MEN get your butts into gear and ask us (and bring a male friend to classes)!!!!

The most dances i have ever had in a row with one dancer was 3 and a 1/2. I normally only have more than one dance if i am comfortable asking, have missed the first half of the dance or have been asked. Again feel its too greedy of me to keep this sought after man to myself!!!

Dx

MartinHarper · 14th-February-2005, 09:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clive Long

Us guys have it too easy and don't realise how fortunate we are.

I suspect that most men were beginners once, and had the same experience I did of either sitting out most of the dance, or having to do all the asking, (or both). First MJ night I went to, I had two dances in the entire freestyle, both with the person who'd invited me along.

Daisy Chain · 14th-February-2005, 12:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drathzel

Little flower

I am in the exact same position as you! I feel that i do all the asking (on occasions i have been asked) especialy with people i really want to dance with! Why is this? Men?

Dx

Men choose the pretty ones first

unless it's an advanced lesson when they want tto start with a partner who won't make a pigs ear of it

Daisy

(A Plain Little Flower)

**Rhythm King** · 14th-February-2005, 12:25 PM

I have to agree with everyone on the quality not quantity line. I do like being asked and don't normally refuse without good reason, although I had to on numerous occasions earlier in the year, but that was on health grounds (Sparkles, Sal and Tramp threatened me with violence if I didn't take it easy!

).
I do get turned down though, and a couple of times recently this has happened 3 times on the trot, at both Hipsters and the Jive Bar

. It is so demoralising, so I sympathise with all of you out there.

However, to get back on thread, the right song, with the right partner can make the whole

13th-February-2005, 08:32 PM	#3 (permalink)
Scotch Bonnet Registered User Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Bonnyrigg Posts: 99 Status: No Status Rep Power: 2 Rep.: 23	Re: How many dances in a night make it 'a night'? It's definitely the quality this time not the quantity !!But then one has to speculate to accumulate,you never know how good they might turn out to be after a few weeks!!

13th-February-2005, 08:36 PM	#4 (permalink)
Little Monkey Cheeky by nature Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Still in Dundee.... Posts: 3,645 Status: No Status Rep Power: 3 Rep.: 1473	Re: How many dances in a night make it 'a night'? QUALITY!!!! But that doesn't mean I'm happy with just ONE good dance, and then sit and watch for the rest of the evening..... But I'd rather have a few good dances and then a few breaks, than dance all night with people I don't enjoy dancing with.... Demanding Monkey

13th-February-2005, 09:12 PM	#5 (permalink)
DaveD Registered User Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Brussels probably Posts: 144 Status: No Status Rep Power: 4 Rep.: 20	Re: How many dances in a night make it 'a night'? Quality is the thing, definitely, but quality comes in different forms. For example I occasionally get to visit other venues as my work takes me to London and rather than spend the night sitting in a hotel room watching TV, I search out an MJ night. Being a new face in a venue causes a certain look when you ask a lady for a dance. Its a great buzz when the expression changes from cautious and uncertain to the smile that says "hey this isn't as bad as I thought it would be" ... even better when she asks you for another dance

13th-February-2005, 09:26 PM	#7 (permalink)
foxylady The Perfect Woman! Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: London Posts: 931 Status: No Status Rep Power: 3 Rep.: 586	Re: How many dances in a night make it 'a night'? I have a sort of rule of thumb which makes or breaks a night. I'm not exactly a shy wallflower, but I find it uncomfortable if I spend the whole evening having to ask, I do like to be asked too... So my sort of 'rule' is that if there are over 7, say, men I know well and enjoy dancing with and don't give a monkeys about whether they ask me or I ask them, then I feel able to ask complete strangers and dance every dance. But if there aren't many men who fall into that category, I feel very awkward asking strangers and usually end up having a cr*p night. I admit its a bit weird. Why should it make a difference? It's only that I know I get at least 'n' (=>7) good dances ! But somehow it does... by boosting my confidence and then that carries me through.... Go figure... __________________ Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here we should dance.... "We should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once." F. Nietzsche

13th-February-2005, 09:47 PM	#8 (permalink)
Andreas Registered User Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: London Posts: 1,225 Status: No Status Rep Power: 3 Rep.: 500	Re: How many dances in a night make it 'a night'? If I have a good time I am sitting out no more than five or six dances all night.

13th-February-2005, 10:07 PM	#9 (permalink)
Northants Girly Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Northants Posts: 1,456 Status: No Status Rep Power: 3 Rep.: 562	Re: How many dances in a night make it 'a night'? Some nights I don't mind sitting out a little - it depends on what sort of a day I've had, how my dodgy ankle is feeling etc etc And sometimes I like sitting out so that I can watch others dancing and pick up some tips or decide who I'm going to ask to dance next! [quote=Daisy Chain]Some nights, I have to do all the asking. I find that very depressing and slink out early wondering what's wrong with me Does this depress any other wallflowers?[quote] It's not the same if you feel you have done all the asking all night. A tip I have for occaisions when you are at a new venue and don't know many people is to ask one of the ladies there for recommendations on which guys to ask for a dance - in my experience they are always more than happy to supply you with a list!

13th-February-2005, 10:21 PM	#10 (permalink)
TheTramp The Forum Legend Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Dundee, Scotland Posts: 10,496 Status: No Status Rep Power: 6 Rep.: 1710	Re: How many dances in a night make it 'a night'? I dance all night most nights. And they're always quality dances. For me at least

14th-February-2005, 12:26 AM	#14 (permalink)
bigdjiver Registered User Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: bedford Posts: 3,829 Status: No Status Rep Power: 3 Rep.: 776	Re: How many dances in a night make it 'a night'? I have come across too many men that think "I am not good enough", and just watch for that reason. There are still some ladies I will not ask for that reason. I dance every track I can, and sometimes think I am sacrificing quality for quantity, but, if there is a partner available, I cannot resist.