Asking for someone's phone number after a dance track. What is the correct etiquette?

[Clive Long]

You are dancing with someone. All is syncing up. You are not thinking too much, just moving. You have a second dance. Then the end of the second track.

Now the Ceroc challenge. You are "interested" in this other person. Nowhere to chat. No time to chat.

So is it considered bad form to ask for someone's (*) phone number at the end of a dance? Is that behaviour considered to breach "acceptable" behaviour and no-one could consider a "dance is just a dance"? Would it spoil the "dance bubble"?

(*) Note: Male may ask female, female may ask male and any other combination is considered equivalent.

Edit: There is supposed to be a poll attached to this but I can't write short
questions.

[LMC]

What if it's after a third track?

[Princess Fi]

I'm probably being a bit blonde (its hard to tell under all this hair dye, but that's how I started off) but why would that be bad practice? I mean if you don't talk to that individual outside of ceroc, then 'just after a dance' may be the only chance you get before the other person goes off to dance with someone else?

[thewacko]

Originally Posted by Clive Long

You are dancing with someone. All is syncing up. You are not thinking too much, just moving. You have a second dance. Then the end of the second track.

Now the Ceroc challenge. You are "interested" in this other person. Nowhere to chat. No time to chat.

So is it considered bad form to ask for someone's (*) phone number at the end of a dance? Is that behaviour considered to breach "acceptable" behaviour and no-one could consider a "dance is just a dance"? Would it spoil the "dance bubble"?

(*) Note: Male may ask female, female may ask male and any other combination is considered equivalent.

Edit: There is supposed to be a poll attached to this but I can't write short
questions.

but Clive you didn't dance with me - we only sang Karaoke

but PM me you smooth talker and we will see

[anniehb]

If you're 'interested' in lots of people you dance with then it'll probably turn out to be bad dance etiquette. That aside, give it a go because life's too short. Or offer them a drink first. It gives them a chance to turn you down nicely. But if you weren't wrong, they'll say yes.

[Ghost]

Originally Posted by Clive Long

You are dancing with someone. All is syncing up. You are not thinking too much, just moving. You have a second dance. Then the end of the second track.

Now the Ceroc challenge. You are "interested" in this other person. Nowhere to chat. No time to chat.

So is it considered bad form to ask for someone's (*) phone number at the end of a dance?

I'd suggest offering them your phone number. Gives them the option of 'losing' it if they want.

Good luck,
Christopher

[thewacko]

Originally Posted by Ghost

I'd suggest offering them your phone number. Gives them the option of 'losing' it if they want.

Good luck,
Christopher

Oh clive I appear to have lost your number

[Spin dryer]

Originally Posted by Clive Long

Now the Ceroc challenge. You are "interested" in this other person. Nowhere to chat. No time to chat.

So is it considered bad form to ask for someone's (*) phone number at the end of a dance? [/size]

Isn't it better to make a specific overture rather than simply ask for a number? If I were attracted to a woman, I'd ask her out for dinner or invite her to a specific event and only then swap numbers.

I know it can be quite hard to find the right moment at a dance event, particularly given that it would, in my view, be totally inappropriate to suggest a date when you are already holding a woman in your arms on the dance floor. Surely though, the anticipation as you try to find that window of opportunity is part of the fun.

[Missy D]

Asking for someones phone number is fine by me. However, you could always just pass your number to them. Unfortunately, i seem to attract the other kind that would say something like "hey my partners away this weekend how bout it" or the likes. I even dyed my hair from blonde to dark and still attract these men. This is not just in dance either.

[spindr]

Originally Posted by Clive Long

Now the Ceroc challenge. You are "interested" in this other person. Nowhere to chat. No time to chat.

You could always make sure that you dance the *last dance* with them

SpinDr.

[Missy D]

Originally Posted by spindr

You could always make sure that you dance the *last dance* with them

SpinDr.

Actually just remembered a very nice man came over to me at the end of freestyle and asked if we could exchange numbers and we did. Come to think of it i never saw or heard from him again (must have seen me in the bright lights).

[Bagpuss]

I think you can still have a bit of a chat whilst dancing to suss if they are available or interested. I have been asked before "Does your partner/boyfriend dance?" and I think maybe the guy was interested and testing the water. That is a safe bet. But I would personally feel under a lot of pressure if soemone asked me for my no. at the end of a dance. I would much prefer for them to catch me for a chat at the end of the night or "invite" me to a venue they dance at. Then it would be my choice.

Or sometimes as you finish a dance as you go off the dance floor have a mini conversation saying it was really good blah blah, where do you usually dance etc, if the girl/guy is interested they will hover to chat. If their eyes are looking around for a next dance - prob a blow out.


It doesn't really affect me as I am loved up with my partner but thinking back on when I was single that is what I would have prefered. It didn't happen much as I think I am far too intimidating to the average male and whey too honest with my body langauge!!!!

Bagpuss

[El Salsero Gringo]

Originally Posted by Ghost

I'd suggest offering them your phone number. Gives them the option of 'losing' it if they want.

Good luck,
Christopher

No, it's rude and stuck-up to give someone your number and expect them to call. If you're interested, it should be you doing the asking, and the phoning.

[Ghost]

Originally Posted by Spin dryer

Isn't it better to make a specific overture rather than simply ask for a number? If I were attracted to a woman, I'd ask her out for dinner or invite her to a specific event and only then swap numbers.

Opps. I thought this was implied. Swap numbers being more so the lady can ring you up and explain she's "Washing her hair and can't make it". or will be there, but is going to be late

Originally Posted by El Salsero Gringo

No, it's rude and stuck-up to give someone your number and expect them to call.

"Hi babe, here's my number - call me" Hmm not quite what I had in mind.

Be Well,
Christopher

[LMC]

to Bagpuss and ESG

I've run into this situation of "Is it me, or is it just the dancing?" a couple of times, and here's how women think - well, me anyway, but everyone knows I'm not quite normal

Dance requested by either party = even if you rather like the look of them, it's just a dance.

Good connection, maybe there is conversation, you're getting on well = it's just a dance + chat.

Second consecutive dance requested by either party = it's still just another dance. If you like dancing with them then it's flattering to be asked. If the first dance was only half a track, then 'staying up' doesn't count - we're talking whole tracks here.

Third or more dances requested and/or two or more dances + they come back later in the evening for more = they are interested. It could still be just the dancing - if there is a connection, I like the person and don't have any desperate desire to go and dance with someone else then it's very flattering to be hung on to or for someone to come back for more. Not counting beginners when I'm taxi-ing and having trouble extricating myself, I can only remember ever twice being asked for a third consecutive dance - one of them was definitely just the dancing, the other I'm still not sure. Personally I would never ask for a 3rd dance in a row because it feels greedy, but if they want to carry on then it's very flattering, whatever the motivation.

Chatting after the dance through more than one track (while you're both not dancing) would also flag definite interest to me - but I still wouldn't leap to the conclusion that this was "romantic" interest unless the conversation content/body language/dancing (UCP ) corresponded.

*suddenly gets extraordinarily sad thought that this should maybe have been a flowchart - no, even I'm not that sad*

If it's always you asking for the dances, then it's you that's interested, obviously. Where the tricky bit comes in is:

a) are they only accepting to be polite?
b) would they have asked if you hadn't?
c) them not asking doesn't necessarily mean they are not interested: if they are a highly in-demand dancer, they might not have the opportunity before someone else swipes them.
d) the track and the timing of the dance can be critical - last dance scores extra points (value negotiable) and so do so some tracks (if they ask you for blues then score an extra 7 points - unless, of course, it's just a dance!)

Even if he wasn't a definite "Thanks but no thanks", a guy asking me for my number early in the evening or after only one or two dances might freak me out, unless I either really fancied him or had danced with him at a previous event - depends on conversation/dance history. Even if the response is positive, then asking for a number too early in the evening could be embarrassing, because "then what?" - better to wait to ask at or very close to the end of the evening IMO or invite them to another venue as already suggested - or you could turn up at theirs.

After a couple of dances you could invite them off to the bar for a drink (couldn't you Mr Darcy? ) and take it from there - this is a good "safe zone" as it's quite reasonable to want to return to dancing after 20 minutes or thereabouts. Refusal of a drink isn't necessarily a rejection though - they might just want to be dancing!

The bottom line is that sooner or later, you have to stick your neck out - something that I am extraordinarily bad at. Unlike stringing clichés together, for which I seem to have quite a talent. I firmly believe that if I'm interested in someone and am making a bit of an effort to demonstrate that interest, then if they are interested in me, they will find a way to let me know by putting in some effort themselves. If they don't, then it's just the dancing, and NEXT!

Anyone brave enough to post the male thought process? - is there one?

[Yliander]

why does asking for a number have to be about romantic interest?

can't it just be I like this person and would like the opportunity to have a proper conversation with as I think I would like to be friends with them rather than just acquaintances

[LMC]

Absolutely.

But if single status is knowns to be the case on both sides, then asking someone you don't know that well for their number is always going to be tough. The initial post, with "interested" in quotes indicates romantic interest is the issue here.

I know it's not me, because Clive has my number - on a serious note, we had got to know each other well enough at the point of 'exchange' that it was obviously just the dancing + friends ( Clive)

Edit: Not that it was ever anything else for all you gossip-mongers out there, just using that as an example!

[Ghost]

Originally Posted by Yliander

why does asking for a number have to be about romantic interest?

can't it just be I like this person and would like the opportunity to have a proper conversation with as I think I would like to be friends with them rather than just acquaintances

The only time I've given someone my number at Ceroc was along these lines. We agreed something specific first, then she had my mobile if anything changed.

But I suspect this isn't what Clive's interested in. It's much easier to ask someone to meet up when your heart's not going

Be Well,
Christopher

[Ghost]

Originally Posted by LMC

Anyone brave enough to post the male thought process? - is there one?

I don't think there's a single answer. From the various conversations I've had over the years it very much depends on the guy. The full scale from what you described to "She's hot, think I'll ask her out".

Be Well,
Christopher

[pjay]

Hmmmm, I've "gotten" phone numbers for people I've danced with a few times... (Does this make me look bad?! - Apparently I have a reputation for dating all the girls, and what I want to know is how come I can't remember all those dates?!)

I've never "just asked" after a dance - there has always been some other history...

I think that if you're interested you should make the opportunities to talk to him/her further, so that there is more than just dancing to base the question on.