Gosh, I am normal after all.....

[LadyMarmalade]

HURRAY! Just been introduced to the forum - I'm SOOOO glad to find like minded people who are as bonkers about dance as I am - For a while there I thought I was going mad, thinking about dance all day (and even dreaming about it too)
I'm new to MJ (started in March), and already I feel completely and utterly addicted. I just LOVE IT
Causing problems with husband though - He thinks is not normal to love it so much ( he is new to MJ too).
The problem is, I dance much better with some other people than I do with him.
Any advice??

[robd]

Welcome to the forum Cozza.

Say goodbye to your free time

There are a number of threads on dancing with (life) partners that you may find illuminating though I haven't the time to look them up just now. Try the search - it's not great but usually works.

See you soon

Rob

[Cruella]

I just had to look when i saw RobD had posted on a thread with this title! Just seemed wrong to me!
As for your problem Cozza, just send lots of pretty women over to keep hubby happy and he won't care what you are dancing like with everyone else.

[robd]

Originally Posted by Cruella

just send lots of pretty women over to keep hubby happy and he won't care what you are dancing like with everyone else.

No wonder your old man lets you out so often

As for your other comment. Pot. Kettle. Black

[LemonCake]

Originally Posted by Cozza

HURRAY! Just been introduced to the forum - I'm SOOOO glad to find like minded people who are as bonkers about dance as I am - For a while there I thought I was going mad, thinking about dance all day (and even dreaming about it too)
I'm new to MJ (started in March), and already I feel completely and utterly addicted. I just LOVE IT
Causing problems with husband though - He thinks is not normal to love it so much ( he is new to MJ too).
The problem is, I dance much better with some other people than I do with him.
Any advice??

Hi Cozza! I know how you feel - I've been dancing for ages but in the last 6 weeks been really bitten by the bug, and joined the forum. Now I seem to have very little non-dancing time in life! The next thing to look out for is buying lots of flared skirts...

I had issues with my ex-boyfriend about it.** I'd been dancing for 18 months when we met and he started Ceroc to please me. At first he enjoyed it, but had confidence issues because I'd been going so much longer. It's much easier for women to pick up & dance competently (in my opinion), men have to work harder to lead (I'm learning to lead now so I have plenty of sympathy for them!). It is a steeper and more offputting learning curve for them, but with practice he will catch you up after a little while. The fatal hiccup with my ex was the fact he would go to class but refused to freestyle (cos there were better people than him there - I never understood that) so found progress very slow & frustrating. (That wasn't the reason we broke up, I hasten to add!)

That said, when we did dance together at home it was lovely to dance with someone you really enjoy getting UCP with. And he loved showing off at venues where there weren't other MJ-ers.

It'll work out in the long run, I'm sure!

**Edit - about dancing, not buying flared skirts!

[Little Monkey]

Originally Posted by Cozza

The problem is, I dance much better with some other people than I do with him.
Any advice??

Frustrating, isn't it??
I'd love to dance as well with Greg as I do with some other men. Sometimes we have really good dances, but on average, I feel I don't dance as well with him as I'd like to.

However, I've been thinking about this, and have come to the conclusion that it might be because I really want to dance well with him that I just can't do it! I keep thinking I'm not good enough, and that I should be better than I am, and hence don't relax and just enjoy the dance!

Funnily enough, with other guys I just don't care how I dance, and hence dance much better........ I dunno. It's bloody annoying, though.

*Little Monkey goes and bangs head repeatedly against concrete wall*

[Piglet]

Originally Posted by Little Monkey

I keep thinking I'm not good enough, and that I should be better than I am, and hence don't relax and just enjoy the dance!

Funnily enough, with other guys I just don't care how I dance, and hence dance much better........ I dunno. It's bloody annoying, though.

I definitely think you're onto something here Little Monkey!

My boyfriend doesn't dance (yet.... I live in hope, although I'm just as happy that he isn't there, so I don't guess I'm that bothered really, anyway, I digress....) but when I'm dancing with someone that I think is really good e.g. the guys who can WCS, then I think I get into a "I can't do that" frame of mind (cos I can't WCS - haven't got a clue about it) but I'm sure it affects the dance.

[ducasi]

Originally Posted by Piglet

... when I'm dancing with someone that I think is really good e.g. the guys who can WCS, then I think I get into a "I can't do that" frame of mind (cos I can't WCS - haven't got a clue about it) but I'm sure it affects the dance.

OK, that settles it – I'm giving up WCS – it's not worth compromising our dances!

[Piglet]

Nah... I'm intending taking lessons at some point...
Just a shame I missed the BFG ones.

[straycat]

Originally Posted by Cozza

Causing problems with husband though - He thinks is not normal to love it so much ( he is new to MJ too).
The problem is, I dance much better with some other people than I do with him.
Any advice??

Mmmm. It's been said before, but it's well worth mentioning that it can be hard to be new at MJ (or any partner dance) when you're a leader. If your hubbie hasn't yet got that much experience, then yeah - you're definitely going to find that other more experienced partners will lead you better, which will allow you to dance better. It's even possible that he'll find the same thing with other followers.

Add to that that many leads start to develop patterns / sequences of moves, which may in turn make the dance less exciting for you, as you'll quite likely get to know his a little too well...

The flip-side:
This gets better. As you get more and more experience between you, and more and more shared dance experiences, and as you develop together, you'll likely find that your dances together become more and more special.

I think the thing that's helped most of all with my partner is the fact that we've gone out and done other dance forms together, including Lindy, ballroom, tango, salsa, African dance.... (sounds like a lot, but spread out over four years, it isn't so much) - and what we've learned from that, brought back into MJ, simply means that we can have dances together that we simply couldn't have with anyone else - that's a very special thing, and it's helped a great deal to develop and deepen our relationship)

But gently does it. Obviously, I don't know what your partner's like, but the male ego can be a delicate fragile flower , and his dancing abilities may well need nurturing, not forcing. I gave up dancing once, because I was pushed too far out of my comfort zones - which wasn't really the idea at all.

Stray

[LadyMarmalade]

Thanks everyone for taking the time to reply. I REALLY value your comments

As for your problem Cozza, just send lots of pretty women over to keep hubby happy and he won't care what you are dancing like with everyone else.

Brilliant idea, Cruella - What do you look like so that I can point him in your direction?

[LadyMarmalade]

Oops, the middle paragraph was supposed to be a quote!
Clearly I am computer illiterate, Sorry

[Tiggerbabe]

Originally Posted by Cozza

Oops, the middle paragraph was supposed to be a quote!

Looks fine to me

[LMC]

Five stages of Cerocers

[LadyMarmalade]

FAB link, LMC - Thanks!
Its just how I feel

[Little Monkey]

Originally Posted by me!

However, I've been thinking about this, and have come to the conclusion that it might be because I really want to dance well with him that I just can't do it! I keep thinking I'm not good enough, and that I should be better than I am, and hence don't relax and just enjoy the dance!

Originally Posted by Piglet

I definitely think you're onto something here Little Monkey!

Done some more thinking..... And have come to the conclusion that it may well have something to do with Greg being too afraid of hurting my back, hence 'holding back' and being overly cautious when we're dancing. If both of us can a) relax (and I can stop worrying about trying to be 'good enough'), and b) forget I have a bad back, then we might dance much better together!

Although we do at times have dances where it all seems to work, and I just go

[DianaS]

Hmm I don't often dance well someone that I'm having an intimate relationship with or would like to Frustrating. But if I have feelings for someone it comes out when I dance, and I feel the dance floor is too publica a space. SO I hold back
and then I kick myslef..
Alot

[straycat]

Originally Posted by DianaS

Hmm I don't often dance well someone that I'm having an intimate relationship with or would like to Frustrating. But if I have feelings for someone it comes out when I dance, and I feel the dance floor is too publica a space. SO I hold back
and then I kick myslef..
Alot

I think you're right - in most respects, it is too public a place. Depending on exactly what you're talking about Plus - if it's someone who isn't necessarily aware of your feelings, you're likely to find that turning up the heat can be counter-productive.

Just remember (and use) the old maxim: 'Less is more' - in my opinion, restraint & moderation in a dance is a whole lot more intense / sexier than the lack of it...