I know, it's very uncomfortable.
On Saturday night I danced with someone who stank of BO. Problem is he's such a lovely bloke and I know he would be mortified if I said something, so I will be choosing my moment very carefully with him, as I'm not sure yet whether it was a one off or whether he always stinks. I might say something along the lines of "It's hot tonight isn't it? Do you have a change of shirt? I have some deoderant you can use if you like".
If my subtle approach doesn't work, the inevitable straight talking will follow, something along the lines of "Blimey, XXXXXXXXX, you're kicking up a stink tonight, Love! Come back to me when you've had a shower and get some deoderant for Gawd Sakes!".
I think it was more a case that he never remembered that I didn't like it from one dance to the next. Since he repeatedly did the dip in which I repeatedly hurt his wrists it's unlikely that he was doing it just because he wanted to.
Anyway, I've broken up with him now so it's easier not to dance with him
(Also , but nevermind)
Last edited by DavidY; 7th-June-2011 at 10:28 PM. Reason: Deleted text from quote (reported as breaching Forum rules)
--ooOoo--
Age is a question of mind over matter, if you don't mind, it doesn't matter
Leroy (Satchel) Paige (1906-1982)
Mickey Mouse's girlfriend, Minnie, made her film debut, along with Mickey, in "Steamboat Willie" on November 18, 1928.
That date is recognized as her official birthday.
Umm....I think you might have misunderstood, sorry. I do not think that refusing to dance with someone because you're better than them is a good reason in the slightest.
I was trying to communicate something that has happened in my experience of asking other people to dance with me. When people do turn me down it's almost always people who I think are better than me. This brings out my insecurities, which are already quite severe sometimes.
Similarly, new dancers often seem reluctant to ask me to dance (so I do my best to make sure I ask them).
I was trying to make the point that, from my experience, it would be easy to get the impression that you "shouldn't" (according to some code of etiquette that in reality doesn't, or at least shouldn't, exist) ask people who are better dancers than you. Again, I don't think this is how it should be.
I'm really sorry that this post upset you, as that wasn't my intention at all. I hope that it was a misunderstanding.
Last edited by DavidY; 7th-June-2011 at 10:28 PM. Reason: Deleted text from quote (reported as breaching Forum rules)
In the interests of not naming-and-shaming (if there is anyone who knows me "in real life" reading this, then they will almost certainly know my ex-boyfriend as well), I shan't reply to this. I shall reiterate that I think it was just forgetfulness and leave it at that
If I had to pick one single problem which every single dancer experiences, it's insecurities and worries about the whole ask / accept / refuse thing. Literally, everyone goes through it.
If it helps, no-one in the dance scene is as secure as they may appear. Well, except me of course
And if I had to pick one single contribution which Ceroc has made to partner dancing, it's in developing a culture which, as much as humanly possible, reduces this insecurity by fostering an atmosphere where everyone can ask, and where people are generally expected to accept a request.
If you're not upsetting people, you're not contributing to the Forum
There was a chap who was already an intermediate when I started Ceroc, who the last time I saw him in 2008 would still not dance with a girl who asked him. He felt that it was morally wrong and that men must only ask ladies to dance. If Erick sees this he'll know who I'm on about.
BTW, any ladies here (I know Lory has), ever danced with Viktor? I believe he was an amazing lead. I know he was and is an amazing dancer to watch and some of his drops wow!!!
Caveat: I am not discussing anyone in particular here.
It was a great help to me that I started learning to dance at the same time as my wife. There were occasions when we were both newish dancers when I would watch her dance and when she got back to the table I would say something like "I wish I could lead like that". There were times when she was quite startled by the comment, asking,
"Why? It was a really boring dance, exactly the same as he did last week"
"But that drop look great"
"Same as last week..."
"That little double steppy things was grea..."
"Same as last week"
"What about that super fast pretzel variation?"
"That hurt my shoulder, same as last week"
"Was anything different to last week?"
"Yep.... the track!"
Although there were other times when she'd just smile a wry little smile and say "Yeah, I wish you could too"
The point I guess I am making is, unless it's a competition/display dance then don't be too quick to judge content as an outside observer
On Friday at Camber, we went into the pub and grabbed a vacant table but needed a couple of extra chairs, so we asked the guys on the table next to us. We just got settled, when another guy arrived at their table.
2 seconds later, we all went like this The guy absolutely reeked
We promptly got up and moved, none of us could stand it.
It must have been so obvious to his mates and I just wondered whether any of them thought to tell him? I almost went over to discretely tell one of his mates but I couldn't bare to get that near again!
And then I though of you DT
MODERATOR AT YOUR SERVICE
"If you're going to do something tonight, that you know you'll be sorry for in the morning, plan a lie in." Lorraine
You sound like a very kind and generous ex-girlfriend. In fact, I'm wondering how he can live without someone so kind and undertanding
.. oh yes, I remember, he can't even remember what hurts his girlfriend! He probably doesn't realise what he's missing.
Speaking for myself, I still remember those rare times when I've accidentally hurt my wife, Sue. Especially the time I turned over in my sleep and gave her a black eye
Thankfully that balance was squared some time later as I also remember the time she shoved the cutlery drawer shut with her hip while my hand was still in it
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