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Reply With QuoteA man went into a hospital with a leaf of lettuce stuck up his bum.The doctor said."Ouch that must be painful". "Painful thats just the tip of the iceberg!"
In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."
On a Septic Tank Truck in Sunshine Coast Area:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels
On a Septic Tank Truck sign:
"We're #1 in the #2 business."
Sign over! a Gynaecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
At a Proctologist's door
"To expedite your visit please back in."
On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."
On a Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.."
Pizza Shop Slogan:
"7 days without pizza makes one weak."
At a Tyre Shop in Queensland :
"Invite us to your next blowout."
On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door:
"Hello. Can we pick your nose?"
At a Towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
On an Electrician's truck :
"Let us remove your shorts."
In a Non-smoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate
action."
On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."
At an Optometrist's Office
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."
In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."
On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."
At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet-miss a car payment."
Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
At the Electric Company:
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment.
However, if you don't, you will be."
In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up."
At a Propane Filling Station,
"Thank heaven for little grills."
And don't forget the sign at a Brisbane Radiator Shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak."
A man went into a hospital with a leaf of lettuce stuck up his bum.The doctor said."Ouch that must be painful". "Painful thats just the tip of the iceberg!"
Paul, a guy on the local beach just couldn't make it with any of the girls, so he heads over to the lifeguard tower to see if the lifeguard has any advice for him. "Dude, it's obvious," says the lifeguard, "you're wearing them baggy old swimming trunks that make you look like an old geezer. They're years outta style. Your best bet is to grab yourself a pair of Spandex Speedos - about two sizes too small - and drop a fist-sized potato down inside 'em. I'm tellin' you man... you'll have all the babes you want!" The following weekend, Paul hits the beach with his spanking new tight Speedos, and his fist-sized potato and it's worse than before. Everybody on the beach acts disgusted as he walks by, covering their faces, turning away, laughing, looking sick! So Paul goes back to the lifeguard again and asks him, "What's wrong now?" "CHEESUS!" says the lifeguard, "The potato goes in front!"
what is the difference between a loaf of bread and an elephant...?
What is the difference between a loaf of bread and an elephant...?
Well i wont be sending you to the shop for a loaf of bread!!!Originally Posted by Whitebeard
Would you send any man to the shop ?? for anything !!!Well i wont be sending you to the shop for a loaf of bread!!!
Only if you don't mind him coming back with something else as well/instead
There might be a cunning intelligence lurking beneath the apparent stupidity. Would you buy that ??Only if you don't mind him coming back with something else as well/instead
I'll buy anything thats shiny and pretty, and if its on sale or food.
Baldrick...you have just reminded me of a true story from a few years ago. I was a surveyor on a building site, and a young apprentice used to go to the local shop to get the guys lunch. One of the brickies asked the apprentice to get him 20 Benson & Hedges, and also told them that if the shop didn't have B&H just to get him any thing. The shop had no B&H........so the apprentice brought him back .................a scotch pie......well he did say just get me anything.....Only if you don't mind him coming back with something else as well/instead
He was probably getting his own back for having been sent on an errand for a 'glass hammer' earlier in the weekBaldrick...you have just reminded me of a true story from a few years ago. I was a surveyor on a building site, and a young apprentice used to go to the local shop to get the guys lunch. One of the brickies asked the apprentice to get him 20 Benson & Hedges, and also told them that if the shop didn't have B&H just to get him any thing. The shop had no B&H........so the apprentice brought him back .................a scotch pie......well he did say just get me anything.....
Or even a long weightHe was probably getting his own back for having been sent on an errand for a 'glass hammer' earlier in the week
or left handed screwdriverHe was probably getting his own back for having been sent on an errand for a 'glass hammer' earlier in the week
Or a tin of tartan Paint....He was probably getting his own back for having been sent on an errand for a 'glass hammer' earlier in the week
Or a bucket of sparks.He was probably getting his own back for having been sent on an errand for a 'glass hammer' earlier in the week
Re: Jokes
The three samurai
-----------------
An emperor of the Rising Sun advertised for a new chief samurai warrior.
Only three applied for the job: a Japanese, a Chinese and a Jewish samurai.
"Demonstrate your skills," commanded the emperor.
The Japanese samurai stepped forward, opening a tiny box and released a fly. He drew his sword and, Swish! The fly fell to the floor, neatly divided in two.
The Chinese samurai smiled, then opened a tiny box, releasing a fly. He drew his sword. Swish! Swish! The fly fell to the floor neatly quartered.
No. 3 samurai stepped forward, released the fly, and drew his sword. Swooooooosh! The speed of his sword created a gust of wind. The fly let out a high-pitched sound, but continued to fly around.
"What kind of skill is that?" asked the emperor. "The fly isn’t even dead."
"Dead, shmed," replied the Jewish samurai. "Dead is easy. Now, circumcision - that takes skill!"
you may have a point there
I'll buy anything thats shiny and pretty, and if its on sale or food.
knowing you and knowing the male species... why does that not surprise me
Baldrick...you have just reminded me of a true story from a few years ago. I was a surveyor on a building site, and a young apprentice used to go to the local shop to get the guys lunch. One of the brickies asked the apprentice to get him 20 Benson & Hedges, and also told them that if the shop didn't have B&H just to get him any thing. The shop had no B&H........so the apprentice brought him back .................a scotch pie......well he did say just get me anything.....
I used to be a pa to a surveyor of a property development and construction company (now the o.m) and they do things like that to the new guys on our site!!!
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