asking for a second dance

[Zebra Woman]

In terms of number of dance offers accepted, it would appear that the success rate is about the same.

The problem lies with communication difficulties. It might simply be part of my personality, but I hate it when I can’t be clearly heard or understood--or where there is some other impediment to effective communication. At venues, this is almost always due to the noise level. Often, the listener might just make a presumption about what I have said. Other times, she may ask me to repeat myself or give me the look of confusion.

Thus, when I make my dance request verbally (in whole or part), there is always the risk that a communication breakdown will occur, however slight. And, strangely enough, such difficulty can impact my dance performance and enjoyment.

A non-verbal approach is unambiguous, and therefore doesn’t suffer from the potential communication breakdown. I also think it’s a bit more stylish. :-) Rest assured, however, that even a non-verbal request can be turned down. In fact, I get turned down quite frequently, because I will not limit myself to those women who are likely to accept. And, my non-verbal offers are often turned down with non-verbal replies. :-) In fact, I prefer such non-verbal replies because they too are unambiguous. :-)

What is a non-verbal reply?
Is it when the woman simply ignores your non-verbal request? Or is there a Nina-Death-Stare TM to go with it?

NTL I can see why you don't want to get into problems mis-hearing each other, especially with a stranger. But if you're asking for the second dance surely you can get your mouth 5 inches away from her ear, and speak slowly just two words 'Another dance?'.

I have never had any problems understanding that short request, partly because that or 'Thank you' is what I'm expecting to hear....anything else I could struggle with. ... But not that!

[LMC]

NTL I can see why you don't want to get into problems mis-hearing each other, especially with a stranger. But if you're asking for the second dance surely you can get your mouth 5 inches away from her ear, and speak slowly just two words 'Another dance?'.

I have never had any problems understanding that short request, partly because that or 'Thank you' is what I'm expecting to hear....anything else I could struggle with. ... But not that!

Plus we've already had the discussion that most people can lip-read the "standard phrases" - "Another?" would fall into that category I think.

You have to be fairly quick off the mark with most women too - we're not all in demand like ZW ( ), which means that given the number imbalance in most venues, if we don't think you'll ask us for a second dance and if we're not confident to ask for one ourselves then we will say "Thank you" and dash off fairly smartly so we can grab the next man before all the good ones are gone.

[Lory]

Plus we've already had the discussion that most people can lip-read the "standard phrases"

but don't mouth the word 'colourful' to anyone, it comes out at something completely different!

they all rush to the nearest mirrors!

[drathzel]

but don't mouth the word 'colourful' to anyone, it comes out at something completely different!

they all rush to the nearest mirrors!

dont have a mirror at work... what does it look like?

[timbp]

Even though I can't answer the question, I still feel the need to reply. I'm in Sydney, where dancing to two tracks is standard (I don't write "two dances" because I might ask the same person later in the evening [a second dance] and still expect to dance two tracks).

In my (limited) experience, it is fairly obvious what each partner expects at the end of a track. I see it as part of the dance (lead-follow). If I didn't like the dance, I start to lead my partner off the dance floor. If I did like it, I don't lead her off, but if she starts to leave the floor I follow (and talk to her as we leave; aim to find out why she wouldn't keep dancing). If I liked the dance but she starts to lead off, again I follow, but I might be more forward about asking why she doesn't want another dance.

As I said, in Sydney, 2 tracks is standard. At the end of 2 tracks, if I want to keep dancing with that partner, I will ask "another dance?" or "that's two songs, do you want another". (Not asking if my partner is obviously heading off to find another partner.)

Presumably, what I do after track 2 would be relevant for the northern hemisphere after track 1.


Tim

[New_to_London]

What is a non-verbal reply?
Is it when the woman simply ignores your non-verbal request? Or is there a Nina-Death-Stare TM to go with it?.

In reply to my non-verbal first-dance requests, here are the most common replies I can think of, off the top of my head:

AFFIRMATIVE REPLIES

1. Lady smiles, stands up, offers her hand(s), and we walk toward the dance floor.

2. Lady enthusiastically jumps up and we rush toward the floor

3. Lady nodes affirmatively

4. Lady offers her hand(s), but keeps looking around the dance floor, even as we dance


NEGATIVE REPLIES

1. Lady gives a subtle left-right nodding of the head

2. Lady gives the “no more” signal with her hand, and nods her head left-right

3. Lady gives the “I’m drinking something” signal with her hand

4. Lady gives the “two fingers” attention signal with her right hand, the stop/pause signal with her left hand, and then points to someone else. This suggests that she is about to dance with that other person, but may be open to a dance later on.

5. Lady gives the “I’m exhausted” signal, and waits for a reaction

6. Lady rolls her eyes and gives the “you’re being silly” look

Once I have established eye contact, I think my request has never been ignored. I either get a positive response (75% to 95% of the time, depending on venue) or a negative one (5% to 25% of the time).

...[I]f you're asking for the second dance surely you can get your mouth 5 inches away from her ear, and speak slowly just two words 'Another dance?'.

Yes, it certainly is easier to use words once the lady is close by. When I originally started this thread, I was assuming there were simply some body language signals that I was missing. From this thread, it would appear that there isn’t a universal non-verbal mechanism for the second dance (except possibly the “raised eyebrow” look), so I may indeed need to continue with the verbal approach.

[TiggsTours]

In reply to my non-verbal first-dance requests, here are the most common replies I can think of, off the top of my head:

AFFIRMATIVE REPLIES

1. Lady smiles, stands up, offers her hand(s), and we walk toward the dance floor.

2. Lady enthusiastically jumps up and we rush toward the floor

3. Lady nodes affirmatively

4. Lady offers her hand(s), but keeps looking around the dance floor, even as we dance


NEGATIVE REPLIES

1. Lady gives a subtle left-right nodding of the head

2. Lady gives the “no more” signal with her hand, and nods her head left-right

3. Lady gives the “I’m drinking something” signal with her hand

4. Lady gives the “two fingers” attention signal with her right hand, the stop/pause signal with her left hand, and then points to someone else. This suggests that she is about to dance with that other person, but may be open to a dance later on.

5. Lady gives the “I’m exhausted” signal, and waits for a reaction

6. Lady rolls her eyes and gives the “you’re being silly” look

Once I have established eye contact, I think my request has never been ignored. I either get a positive response (75% to 95% of the time, depending on venue) or a negative one (5% to 25% of the time).


Yes, it certainly is easier to use words once the lady is close by. When I originally started this thread, I was assuming there were simply some body language signals that I was missing. From this thread, it would appear that there isn’t a universal non-verbal mechanism for the second dance (except possibly the “raised eyebrow” look), so I may indeed need to continue with the verbal approach.

Has anyone ever told you that you think too much?

[New_to_London]

Has anyone ever told you that you think too much?

Yep. I can’t help it!!

I’m just a member of that “problem solving” species who goes to his cave, to figure things out, and then emerges with a solution. At least, I don’t think “out loud” like some other people do. :-) Rest assured that after a few hours of dancing, my “thinking” skills do seem to fade. :-)

[latinlover]

is it me?????

I guess this is what happens when you start to analyse....
or you don't have enough to do in the day......

personally I just get on with it

[bigdjiver]

is it me?????

I guess this is what happens when you start to analyse....
or you don't have enough to do in the day......

personally I just get on with it

If I want another dance, and I have more to offer, I just ask for it. How many dances I have had before does not come into it. To the best of my memoryl I have danced all evening with one beginner who kept wanting more, at the Leopard Lounge..

[Daisy Chain]

but don't mouth the word 'colourful' to anyone, it comes out at something completely different!

they all rush to the nearest mirrors!

*rushes back from mirror* Well, I had several goes and couldn't see anything but "colourful" until PM Chain suggested that it might help NOT to say the word out loud

Daisy

(A Lipreading Little Flower)

PS I'd just like to say "colourful" to Donny Osmond and Terry Wogan