Are you good at letting things go ?

[stewart38]

I dare say I would get my ar5e kicked if 4 blokes had a go at me, but I could take you, S38, with my eye's closed and one hand tied behind my back.

Lots of women have had me with their eyes closed nothing knew there

For all those that have harmed me ill pray for their well being tonight

There calm now

[Feelingpink]

What is the benefit of this?
It uses up valuable energy that could have been diverted to something far more pleasurable, especially if all that is ever done is plotting and never following through.
I think people are more than capable of creating their own misery.
I have far more constructive things to do with my time and energy!

Completely agree. My energy is valuable too. Seriously, if you can find a way of understanding where the other person is coming from (quite often they're deeply unhappy) - even if you don't believe it justifies their behaviour - then it can be easier to let go. I would prefer to avoid giving energy vampires any oxygen.

[Gus]

Gus, I have know a few people who have been into martial arts, and in my opinion it isn't worth a jot!

when your having a conflict with someone and they hit you over the head with a chair or stick a glass in your face, your Bruce Lee chop isn't much help,

Hmmm beg to differ. The true art of martial arts is to fight without fighting ... to have the presence to diffuse a situation without violence. Its more the attitude and confidence that helps. I've managed to face down a number of situations and intervene to stop people getting hurt by making the other person understand the consequences of their action .... i.e. they would get very hurt.

The only time I have actually had to use it was when me and my bro got mugged (in Stoke of all places ) by 5 yobs coming out of a nightclub We were both very intoxicated but managed to defend our selves without throwing a punch. AND ... I'm 'just a beginner' ... I know a few Forumites who really are extremely capable. Though the likes of me would now have trouble punching their way out of the proverbial paper bag, these guys can seriously take care of themselves.

Having said that I'm under no illusion about combat limitations. I've no problem admitting that I've run from confrontations many more times than I've stood my ground. Sometimes it simply just isn't worth it.

Getting back on thread ... I think that when it comes to consideration about resorting to violence that you REALLY have to step back. I've heard of some really nasty things said and done to people on the Forum and in the MJ world, but I can't think of a situation yet where violence was a solution.

[ducasi]

I have been surprised by the people here who have been prepared to state just how nasty they can be. I guess it's honest, which is one redeeming quality...

Have a hug...

[Double Trouble]

Lots of women have had me with their eyes closed

I can imagine that would be preferable.

[Jhutch]

I have been surprised by the people here who have been prepared to state just how nasty they can be. I guess it's honest, which is one redeeming quality...

Have a hug...

Or maybe they aren't nasty at all but want to put up a hard front to put people off, because really they will be crying for weeks if anyone is unpleasant to them?

[Gus]

I have been surprised by the people here who have been prepared to state just how nasty they can be. I guess it's honest, which is one redeeming quality...

Are people saying that they are nasty or how they would react of someone threatened them / put them under excessive pressure? Must admit, I've only skim read but didn't identify any homicidal psychopaths .... well, not many

[Mezzosoprano]

Or maybe they aren't nasty at all but want to put up a hard front to put people off, because really they will be crying for weeks if anyone is unpleasant to them?

well now you've given the game away and they'll all know that I cry for hours if someones nasty.......

[Cruella]

I abhor violence of any kind. I can't understand how anyone could hit another person. I too have done some self defence courses and it was fascinating, but I'm not sure that I could ever do any of the things taught, even if the other person was attacking me. I don't get angry, I just cry alot and feel bullied and sorry for myself if someone is nasty to me. I know I need to toughen up.
But I do forgive very easily. I am of the view that once I have been to sleep after a falling out, then it's a new day so all is forgotten. Although I do still like to get to the bottom of it with a long conversation with the other party.

[Double Trouble]

I know I need to toughen up.

If I was being attacked I would pull every dirty trick in the book to injure my attacker...just enough to break a limb or two so I could run away quickly.

[Gav]

I abhor violence of any kind. I can't understand how anyone could hit another person.

Unsurprisingly, as I joined the British Army at 18 and stayed for 10 years, yes I've been violent and aggressive.
You wouldn't believe it if you knew me now, but I used to be an arrogant little 4rsehole who went around picking fights with anyone and everyone, just for the fun of it.
It took an especially bad experience for me to see that I was out of control and that I was wrong.
Nowadays, I can't stand violence and will go to some lengths to avoid it. Not much short of hurting my kids or the other people I love would get a physical reaction from me now.

[Beowulf]

I have been surprised by the people here who have been prepared to state just how nasty they can be.

Only nasty under extreme provocation. And Not always violent. One piece of nastiness didn't involve any punches being thrown at all.. just a very discrete word in some "interested party's" ear. It still wasn't very nice what happened to the miscreant but IMHO he deserved it.

But mostly I'm a nice guy .. mostly.

[Lynn]

But I do forgive very easily. I am of the view that once I have been to sleep after a falling out, then it's a new day so all is forgotten.

I try to forgive, but it doesn't always come easily. Sometimes if I try to just forgive and forget, in reality I'm just not thinking about it and then it comes back again when I see the person again. So I try to work through it and really mean it.

Sometimes it is easy though, a while back I had a row with someone and was very angry. About an hour later I started seeing things from their side and my anger evaporated and I forgave them instantly.

Although I do still like to get to the bottom of it with a long conversation with the other party.

This seems to be important to me, to be able to talk things through and it really helps, though there is often the need to have a bit of space and time before both are able and ready to talk. You both have to be prepared to hear uncomfortable things but it makes it much easier to move on and let things go.

[Gav]

This seems to be important to me, to be able to talk things through and it really helps, though there is often the need to have a bit of space and time before both are able and ready to talk. You both have to be prepared to hear uncomfortable things but it makes it much easier to move on and let things go.

It's just the space and time bit I don't like. I know it's necessary, but I just want to talk things through and get them sorted out sooner rather than later.
I suppose there's a risk that I'll make things worse by talking before both people are ready, but on the other hand, the sooner it's sorted out, the sooner everyone can stop hurting.

[Lynn]

It's just the space and time bit I don't like. I know it's necessary, but I just want to talk things through and get them sorted out sooner rather than later.
I suppose there's a risk that I'll make things worse by talking before both people are ready, but on the other hand, the sooner it's sorted out, the sooner everyone can stop hurting.

I'm like that too! I want it sorted out asap! But the other person may not be ready to talk and I might still be a bit angry and if its too soon, it can make things worse.

I'm learning to be patient as well as forgiving!

[stewart38]

Hmmm beg to differ. The true art of martial arts is to fight without fighting ...


Getting back on thread ... I think that when it comes to consideration about resorting to violence that you REALLY have to step back. I've heard of some really nasty things said and done to people on the Forum and in the MJ world, but I can't think of a situation yet where violence was a solution.

Yes i watched Enter the Dragon to , pleaseeeee

On the thread , i nearly got run over by some tw4t today at a zebra crossing

I hit his car with my hand as he went by hard (id sum up his size and he wasnt with 8 mates and figure if he did get out and kick the **** out of me they were a lot of people around)

the sad thing is ill be looking for him (it was at the station). Sadder then that i wouldnt do a thing if i did spot him.

im going to let go with love , maybe his wife had just left him

[Dreadful Scathe]

im going to let go with love , maybe his wife had just left him

Indeed - jumping to conclusions about someone and reacting aggressively does nothing to improve a situation and is very negative for you personally. If thats what it takes, by all means assume the person who has just cut you up in traffic lost his wife to cancer the day before. Puts things in perspective.

Where people are personally aggressive - sometimes a simple "why?" is enough to get the aggressor to think about the situation where they previously were not thinking at all.